Is it normal to have problems in a relationship?
Conflicts are quite normal in every human interaction; whether platonic or romantic relationships.
In any situation where two or more people come together, there are bound to be disputes one way or the other, and a romantic relationship is no exception.
There can be various factors that can cause issues in a relationship, and these relationship problems can cause a serious strain on both your mental and physical health if not properly checked.
There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. No matter how beautiful things might seem on the outside, it’s not always the case inside the relationship. In Between those beautiful moments, there will always be moments when there will be serious fights and arguments.
Sometimes, overcoming problems in relationships will take a lot of time and commitment from both parties, and communication will be an important key in overcoming these difficulties that often come in way. If you are out there seeking advice for your relationship problems, then this post is for you.
Several factors can cause issues in a relationship and we have compiled a few of them alongside their solutions.
Relationship problems and solutions
1. Communication problems
Communication is one of the most important aspects of every relationship, and when there is a decline in communication, there tend to be problems with the relationship.
For instance, when you don’t tell your partner how or what you feel at different points in time, they can’t decipher the problems bothering you from your silence. Expecting him to know what is on your mind without you saying a word to him can cause miscommunication in your relationship.
Solution; The best way to solve this issue is to learn how to communicate properly with your partner. There should always be a channel of communication open between the both of you 24/7. Listen to him and most importantly, respect your partner’s view without judgement or criticism.
2. Infidelity Issues
Infidelity is a never-ending battle that plagues almost every relationship. It is one of the major causes of breakups among couples. It’s an offence so grim, that once committed, reconciliation is almost impossible.
It is very difficult to build a relationship after infidelity. Although not impossible, it takes a lot of time and dedication for a relationship to come back to normal after infidelity.
Solution; When your partner cheats on you, you should try and find out their reasons for doing so, then try to forgive them completely because without forgiveness your relationship can’t survive. Although it will take a lot of time and work, you should try and learn to trust them again and give them the benefit of a doubt, believing they are really sorry for their actions.
Money problems can also cause issues in a relationship and also affect your relationship in more ways than you’d care to imagine. Sometimes lack of money and even too much money can cause arguments in your relationship.
Several factors can cause money problems in a relationship; for example, your partner might be the frugal type, while you would rather spend lavishly, or there is never enough for dinner dates or there is barely anything left for extra spendings.
You might even be stressed out from working too hard and can’t have enough time for your partner, and other times it can be that you are not bringing enough financially into the relationship like your other half.
Solution; This is one vital issue in a relationship most couples tend to underestimate. When having financial issues in your relationship, you should sit together with your partner and try to find out the best way to resolve it, and in a way that both parties don’t feel cheated or shortchanged.
When you have different intimacy needs in your relationship it can seriously affect your relationship. Sometimes these different intimacy needs can cause issues in your relationship and lead to unhappiness.
Most times, your needs during sex can run towards slow and normal, but your partner might have BDSM tendencies and this can affect your relationship especially when both of you can’t seem to talk about it.
Solution; Create time for intimacy, and try to learn about your partner’s sexual preference. This will help resolve a lot of intimacy problems. Relationships are always about compromise so you can learn to compromise when it comes to the sexual needs of your partner.
5. Lack of appreciation
This happens when you don’t appreciate your partner the way they deserve it.
Everybody deserves to be appreciated, and even when someone does a menial task for you, you still need to appreciate them no matter how little their task.
It’s the little things that matter when it comes to a relationship, and you should consider your partner’s effort in doing something rather than the magnitude of their deeds.
So why do some of us find it difficult to appreciate our significant other? This lack of appreciation can lead to resentment and anger when your partner constantly feels like they are unappreciated.
Solution; This is perhaps one of the most overlooked relationship problems couples face. You should learn to appreciate your partner, and also remind them of your love for them. You should also endeavour to make them feel loved and appreciated. Thank them and be appreciative of the little things they do, and that will go a long way towards making them feel loved.
6. Having kids
Having kids is one heck of a responsibility, so you and your partner have to be on the same page when it comes to having children.
Kids sometimes can cause a strain in your relationship especially when one partner is not yet ready to have them, or sometimes, how to raise them can also cause problems because you both might have different views on how best to raise your children and these varying views can lead to issues in your relationship.
Solution; Talk to your partner about whether they want kids or not, learn to compromise when it comes to raising your kids, and listen to the views of your partner too. You should be able to know your partner well and also know what they want.
7. Jealousy problems
A bit of jealousy is appreciated in every relationship but when it becomes too much it can turn into a huge problem.
When your partner is constantly checking up on you, going through your phone, double-checking your whereabouts or they are constantly doubting your words, while some might even accuse you of having a relationship with co-workers or platonic friends, this kind of jealousy can easily cause issues in your relationship.
Sometimes this kind of extreme jealousy might just be you paying for the sins of your ex.
Solution; If your partner is the jealous type you need to be transparent in all your dealings with them, ensure to always reassure them. Sometimes jealousy and trust issues come hand in hand, so you need to learn how to get over both jealousy and trust issues in your relationship.
8. Unrealistic expectations:
Sometimes the unrealistic expectations we have before entering into a relationship can cause issues in the long run, because what we were expecting is not what we got.
You might expect your partner to play various roles like your confidant, best friend, provider and so on, forgetting that they are humans too and when some of these expectations are not met you might get angry and resentful towards them at one point or the other.
Solutions; If your expectations are not being met in your relationship, you can learn to adjust or you can speak to your partner about ways in which you can better your relationship.
9. Growing distant
Growing apart from each other can cause a ripple in your relationship big time.
Have you stopped including your partner in doing things on your list lately, and do you just want to be alone rather than spend quality time with your partner?
This might as well be a sign that the both of you are growing distant from each other and this can lead to a lot of issues in the long run.
Sometimes growing apart happens slowly and we don’t notice until it becomes rather too late to do anything about it.
Solution; If you notice that you and your partner are growing distant, it might be time to get up and take a stand. Feed and nourish your relationship, bring back the sparks that used to be there, and rekindle the passion that might be missing.
10. Lack of support
Lack of support from one’s partner can lead to issues in a relationship. We all need our partners to support us, encourage us and ride for us at every given time.
When your partner does not support you, you feel lonely, betrayed, and even anxious, most especially when you are going through a difficult phase. You need your partner to cheer you on and assure you that everything will be alright.
When your partner cannot do this for you, it can lead to relationship issues.
Solution; Your partner might not know they are not being supportive, so you should talk to your partner if you feel they are not being supportive towards you and your dreams.
11. Controlling tendencies
Some people like to be in control in every area and sometimes this stretches into their relationship.
We need to learn how to relinquish control in a relationship sometimes. An excessive controlling attitude towards your partner can be a cause of concern in a relationship.
When you expect your partner to behave in a certain way and to always do what you want them to do, you are a control freak. This behaviour can also be described as toxic and can take a toll on your relationship.
Solution; If you feel your partner is too controlling then it is up to you to speak up and set boundaries and demand that they let go of that choking rope.
There comes a time in the relationship when you find the excitement and pleasures slowly begin to dwindle, and the relationship gradually becomes boring.
When boredom strikes in a relationship, it can lead to different issues, after all, they say an idle mind is the devil’s playground.
When your relationship continues to follow the same pattern each day, you do the same things over and over again, then you are creating room for unhappiness and conflict.
Solution; When you start to feel bored in your relationship, it is up to you to bring back the spark. Try to do more fun things together; plan dates, go to the movies, play games, or just be together and gist about what is happening around you.
13. External influences
Influence from outside the relationship can take a toll on your relationship when it becomes too much. When you and your partner allow outside influence or third parties into your relationship then you are creating room for problems.
If you have issues with your partner do not allow others to have a say in what goes on, and let the matter be between you and your partner.
Solution; Your relationship and your partner should always come first. Always ensure that you do not let any outside influence have a say when it comes to your love life.
Arguments are part of every relationship. They are normal in our everyday life, but how well you handle these arguments in your relationship will determine if your relationship will survive or not.
Solutions; When you argue with your partner, you should ensure that you get to the root of the issues and have rules to always talk politely to your partner no matter how heavy the argument gets. Always ensure that you do not let it get the best of you or bring out the monster in you no matter how serious things get.
15. Trust issues in a relationship
Trust issues in a relationship can grow into a very big problem if not properly checked. When you don’t trust your partner you can’t love them enough. For instance, always checking your partner’s phone or harassing him is a sign of a lack of trust and insecurity.
Solution; How to fix trust issues in a relationship is not an easy task because trust is an inbuilt process so you need to work on overcoming the trust problems in your relationship. You should always ensure that you do not let your insecurities get the best of you.
Are there relationship problems that can’t be fixed?
Domestic abuse is one major issue in relationships that can’t be fixed. When domestic abuse becomes too much in a relationship the relationship will not survive from the fallout.
It is extremely dangerous to hope that your partner will change with time. In the majority of cases, remaining in an abusive relationship never ends well.
Another problem that can’t be fixed might be a deep secret. There are some secrets that you may keep from your partner that when it comes out it might be difficult or impossible to rectify things to the way they were. An example of such secrets could be hiding the real paternity of your child from your partner or having a secret child without the knowledge of your partner.
Also, cheating in a relationship might also be very difficult to forgive. Once down, the consequences are always dire. So it’s best to avoid cheating and remain faithful in our relationships.
An important point to note down is that sometimes, forgiveness depends on individual differences. What some might perceive as a little offence and forgive might be something unforgivable to others. So the best thing is to have a better understanding of your partner so as to know what you can do and cannot do to them.
Who to see about your relationship problems
When we have issues in a relationship, we should always try to find out what the problem is and try to sort it out before it gets out of hand.
But what if you have exhausted all the solutions on the list without a positive result, then the next best thing would be to see a relationship counsellor. These are people that are trained to help you with your relationship problems. At a cost, of course.
If you have ever found yourself wondering about who you can talk to about the issues plaguing your relationship, then relationship counselling is definitely for you.
Relationship counselling is a much more viable option for your relationship, and you might discover that talking to a counsellor can help you more than you could have imagined.
Couples therapy can help you resolve the issues or guide you towards the right steps to take in resolving your issues.
Most times counselling is usually a last resort amongst couples, and it shouldn’t be so in the first place. We should learn to understand that seeing a therapist isn’t a sign of weakness but it can mean you are willing to fight for your relationship and not give up easily on it.
Seeing a counsellor can help you improve in the communication aspect of your relationship, can help renew your intimacy and help build your connection with each other. It can also help you make some major decisions and also help you with commitment in your relationship.
Every relationship has its ups and downs, and how you choose to resolve these relationship problems is the true show of strength and understanding.
Love is never enough, you need to understand that tough times will come and how long it lasts will be dependent on how you choose to resolve them. Talking to your partner and trying to resolve these issues is the best thing you can do. So learn to compromise and learn how to communicate properly with your partner.
Also, going for therapy for your relationship problems is a great way to help you discuss them without fighting.
Most times people give up on their relationship without even putting up a fight. This is what leads to breakups in most relationships. So you should be willing to do whatever it takes to make your relationship work as long as the relationship is right for you and not a toxic one.