After searching for the right one, you finally found someone that rocks your world. But the problem is that they live far from you or had to relocate somewhere far away.
Now you are thinking, will this relationship work? Will this person love me sincerely? Are long-distance relationships toxic?
Long-distance relationships can be very healthy. This happens when both parties put in the required work to make it a success. However, like every other relationship, a long-distance relationship can be toxic too.
In this article, you will learn how to start healthy distant dating. And also, how to spot when it is becoming harmful, and what to do about it.
What is a healthy long-distance relationship?
This is when you are dating someone far away but it feels like they are close to you. Undermining the distance, there will be constant but not overbearing communication. Each partner still has time to live their own life.
The fact is that a relationship is healthy does not mean there won’t be issues. Challenges are a normal part of the process. However, it blooms when both parties are willing to sort things out.
Both couples will put in equal effort to resolve every issue; this is what makes it last. So you might be asking if it lasts long, does it mean it is healthy?
Well, it is not really about how long. A relationship can have longevity but still fail. In a healthy relationship, you don’t constantly doubt each other, but instead, plan together. And have a set of goals in mind.
What makes a long-distance relationship healthy?
Trust is important in building a healthy relationship. If you have confidence in a partner, an unanswered call won’t bother you or make you think he is cheating. You won’t even feel the need to stalk their social media accounts.
Secondly, communication is very vital here. Your partner cannot read your mood from afar. In the end, you should always communicate how you feel and what you need at any given time.
There has to be a healthy exchange of thoughts and feelings between you two. You can tell each other everything but you don’t have to talk every 24 hours of the day.
In addition, conflict resolution is very critical. If there is an issue, it should be resolved in no time. That is how you know there is a willingness to get things moving from both parties. This must be practiced in healthy interactions.
Also, respect the other person. Don’t do things you know your partner will not like and don’t go out with people they don’t approve of.
What is a toxic long-distance relationship?
This is when the relationship is filled with toxic traits that threaten to kill the affair. These traits like disrespect, nonchalance, cheating, and lack of care, can end things.
A clear sign you are in a wrong distant affair is when you keep having this feeling of emptiness inside of you. Despite dating someone, you feel lonely and restless.
This isn’t just because you lack physical closeness. It is because you spend most of the time arguing and fighting over the phone. Dating them gives more of a feeling of sadness than happiness.
You always talk and most times, you don’t even have anything to say. This relationship has lasted for quite some time, but there is no plan to move in together.
When was the last time you saw each other? This is because the urge to visit each other has died. Being with them feels like you are being forced.
In addition, in a toxic long-distance relationship, there is a lack of trust and respect. You or your partner might become very controlling and dictate who and where each person sees and is.
Hints your long distance relationship might become toxic
They begin to hold sway over you. Your partner will make sure you are not with people or places they do not approve of.
They may monitor your social media accounts at times. Sometimes, they even ask you to unfriend friends they don’t want you to talk to.
Your partner might not be close to you, but when they call you and you don’t answer on time, you will have to explain a lot. All these are some of the controlling behaviors you will notice.
Then jealousy kicks in. This is mostly caused by insecurities. They think you might have something to do with anyone you are close to.
They don’t trust you. So the only way to feel safe is to be controlling. When they begin to control you, they begin to lose value for you
Does it look like your voice is nothing? Whenever you make an opinion, does your partner act like it does not count? That’s a sign they don’t respect you and that would gradually lead your relationship down the drain.
Do you know what comes next? You won’t even know the right way to act anymore
It will feel like anything you do will lead to an issue. Even when you try to talk to them about their attitudes, they will turn it on you. This will even make you apologize for doing nothing wrong.
Then there is this feeling of unexplainable sadness and emptiness
The person you are dating is supposed to be your source of joy. But if there is always something that leads to an issue, you will be unhappy most of the time. At this stage, you want out but you don’t know if that’s the right decision.
That’s where all the sadness and confusion come in.
Clear signs of a toxic long-distance relationship?
Constant suspicion. This could be on the part of either you or your partner. You accuse and suspect one another.
If an unanswered call puts your mind through a thousand negative thoughts, that is a sign of a lack of trust.
And what happens when there is a lack of trust? You always have something to fight about.
There would be constant arguments between both of you. It might be because they did not pick up or you saw someone of the opposite sex commenting on their pictures.
Over time, these issues will cause you or your spouse to lose love for each other.
When either person begins to fall out of love, things will become one-sided. There would be limited phone calls, or they are now the job of one person. Furthermore, the desire to see each other will gradually fade.
Then it will progress to a point where it takes over your whole life. In the sense that you would want to please this distant partner of yours.
It looks like they no longer have your time. This will make you want to do more. Like staying online for too long while leaving other things undone.
You might decide to fly over to see them even when it is not convenient for you. Doing all this will lead you to abandon your personal goals for them.
You will just want to please this person. Because you would want to meet up. Either of you would begin to do things that would put your life outside the relationship on the line.
All this shows you are in an affair that is not healthy for your well-being.
Can a toxic long-distance relationship be fixed?
Every issue in a relationship can be fixed if both parties still love each other and are willing to try again.
If it feels like things are not progressing well, this is the time for you to have a serious talk about it. During communication, you can find out how to fix these things.
If you have talked about it, but it still looks like you are forcing yourself on each other, it’s time to have a break. So as not to end up being dumped at the end.
The thing about relationships is that there is always that point when you feel like it is not going to work out.
But you have to understand that there is nothing like a flawless relationship. The two of you are imperfect people trying to build a relationship that is free of flaws.
This means there may be problems. If they arise, you try to solve them. Issues are meant to be resolved.
But please be cautious. You can only fix someone who wants to be fixed. If you’ve tried to talk to your partner in order to change them, expect change.
But if they refuse to change, it is not advisable to be with that kind of person.
When to end a toxic long-distance relationship
Many people are scared to end a relationship. But ending some relationships will bring back peace. The point when it feels like you don’t see any future with each other anymore, end it.
You both always have something to argue about. Due to this, you can go days without communication.
There is a lack of trust and communication is not flowing naturally. It feels like you are dating yourself. You notice that if you don’t initiate conversations, they might not engage.
They don’t tell you how their day turned out, and they don’t feel the urge to see you. When you ask them to come to see you, there are always excuses why they can’t come.
When you try to introduce things like sex over the phone to ease your urge, they will decline. Even during the conversation, you feel like you are the only one speaking.
All of these things could start to give you a feeling of loneliness and sadness. The relationship begins to cause you more pain than happiness. It is time to say goodbye.
How to end a toxic long-distance relationship
After you have done all you could and it looks like the affair is heading nowhere, you can quit. But since you are not physically present, doing it over the phone is your only option.
Well, don’t let it come as a shock to them. Tell them beforehand that there is something of importance you must discuss.
Make sure you don’t sound hateful when you talk to them. Let them understand that you care so much about them, but you have concluded that it is not going to work out. And that you need a break to think things through.
Let them know you can always be friends but you don’t think you can cope with dating them from far away anymore.
What are the signs of a healthy long-distance relationship?
The first sign that your relationship is meant to last is when you feel their presence even when they aren’t there. Both of you are always thinking of each other and there is constant and healthy communication.
Healthy communication is when you can talk to your partner but still have time to live your own life.
If any relationship is doing well, you can bet that it is a deliberate effort from both parties to keep it floating. Both parties put in the work to keep it alive, though the energy might not be equal.
They also do not hesitate to show you off. Your partner ensures that your friends and families know you as their partner.
They also show concern when you are in need. A healthy relationship is built on sacrifice. Both parties are ready to compromise and make things work.
Finally, there is trust between you two. In your mind, you don’t always doubt. Even when you don’t speak to them, you know they are for you.
How to start a healthy long-distance relationship
First of all, try to get to know this person more before you start dating them. Then ask yourself: is this what you want? Can you date someone that lives far away from you? Is the person worth it?
After answering these questions, focus on one specific goal. If they are someone you are willing to move over with, it should be stated from the beginning. It is critical to agree on who is moving for who.
Be aware that this is not going to be an easy task. Set your mind to challenges, but communicate with each other so you can overcome them.
Don’t rush things and don’t overcommit in the early stages. Just as you would in any healthy relationship, take it slow and see if they are into it as much as you are.
Communicate about everything and let your needs be known. They have to assure you they will take it seriously too. But avoid overcommunication, especially in the early stages.
How to maintain a healthy long-distance relationship
With the advent of social networks, dating someone from afar has become less difficult than it used to be.
Although you can’t substitute this for physical presence, it helps a lot. Video calling, and sending each other clips of yourself greatly helps.
There should be plans to meet physically as soon as possible. And be sure to make the most of the time you have together.
There will always be an urge to contact each other, but it should be resisted. But always let your partner know your plans. Include them in your daily activities.
Make it feel like they aren’t far away. Be honest, don’t do anything behind their backs, and always profess your love for each other.
If you have time, you can play online games together. Don’t forget to talk dirty or even try phone sex. It helps increase the bond between you.
Are long-distance relationships difficult to maintain?
Even when you see your partner every day, there are still challenges. The same applies when they stay far away. Although keeping a distant relationship is more difficult than keeping a physical one. So this type of relationship is difficult to maintain.
That being said, the challenges are nothing that you cannot overcome. Both parties just need to put their best effort in.
The first step is to be aware of the challenges their absence brings. This is where communication and understanding come in.
You have to express yourself. Because now they can’t see you, so you have to share how you feel regularly.
Do long-distance relationships last?
The thing is, they usually last even longer. However, they might last, but both parties may just be counting only years and not sweet memories.
And because they don’t see each other often, they might not be able to spot each other’s flaws.
It might be filled with lots of lies, cheating, and games. At the end of the day, it might end after a few fruitless years.
However, if handled properly, it might be able to last for a long time. As long as you both exert the same effort to communicate and make plans to see each other.
Why do long-distance relationships fail?
This kind of dating doesn’t last long for some reasons. One of the leading reasons is lack of visitation and communication.
Then there are negative thoughts due to a lack of trust and insecurity. You think your partner might be with someone else now and might dump you soon. So you begin to try to get your own “someone else”
When there is no feasible plan for moving together, you run out of patience. This is why a relationship like this might fail.
Dating someone from afar means they have to travel over. This can be very financially straining. For couples that are not financially stable, it might pose a problem and hinder them from meeting up.
Lack of sex is also another reason. You can substitute dirty chat and videos for sex. But at some point, you will need physical intimacy. You may want to be close to your partner even if it’s not sexual. If you can’t get it, it might cause you to develop different thoughts in your mind.
Percentage of long-distance relationships that fail
According to surveys gathered from the internet, 40% failed and 60% survived. This is for people who met online.
Studies show that for couples who suddenly change locations, the failure rate was 28%. This is for couples who had already spent some time together but had to relocate.
How long has the longest long-distance relationship lasted?
According to the survey, the longest lasted 44 years. And there were a few others that lasted close to the same time.
About 1.6 million people are in long-distance relationships, according to a survey. And the lot has lasted more than 10 years.
Summary
No doubt dating someone far away is challenging. But if you both put in the right effort things will work out perfectly. Be aware of the situation and find solutions by talking about it.
I hope reading this article helps answer your question: are long-distance relationships toxic? You must have learned that they are not always toxic.
It can only turn toxic when you or your partner are not treating each other right. And also not doing the right things to make it work. Then it will turn into a thing of pain for one or both of you.
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