When your boyfriend still has a connection with his ex, it is obvious that there’s still something binding them together. Might not necessarily be a romantic relationship, but it could be business-related or possibly because they have a child together and for many other reasons.
But as his present lover, you might be worried and thinking: Why my boyfriend won’t cut ties with his ex, why?
There’s no cause for alarm just yet because both individuals were once lovers and it’s pretty hard for both of them to just cut ties with each other just because they both went their separate ways. They could remain platonic friends.
However, you have every right to feel insecure because both your boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend were once romantically involved and such closeness or proximity between them can spark the old flames of love they once had.
WHY WON’T MY BOYFRIEND CUT TIES WITH HIS EX?
Now, this is a very tricky question because the fact that they are no longer in a relationship doesn’t mean they should avoid each other like plagues. It doesn’t mean they are having a secret relationship behind your back. Well sometimes, it might be because he still wants her back or vice-versa.
They have dated before and in that process have become best of friends with each other in one way or the other. These feelings take months and years to develop and therefore can’t be forgotten or be thrown in the trash just like that.
It might not make sense to you and may even be a red flag for you. Trust me you have every right to feel this way. If you feel this way, one of the best things you can do is to talk to your partner politely and set boundaries with the ex. Their relationship should be cordial and formal.
Meanwhile for other people, once they end their relationship, that is the end of it. They move on completely from that partner. They delete their contacts, block them on every social media, and use every possible means to try to avoid the ex. This is because the relationship ended disastrously or it was an unhealthy relationship.
WHY DO EXES WANT TO BE FRIENDS?
Ending a relationship is one of the toughest decisions people in a relationship make because most times, people invest their time, resources, and emotions into a relationship. So ending such a relationship is quite hurtful and sad especially if the relationship went on for years.
They find it hard to completely erase such a person from their lives. They offer the hand of friendship. While in a relationship, you need to ask yourself some questions, questions like “can I still be friends without getting attached?” or “what the reasons for such friendship are after a failed relationship?”. Below are some reasons why some exes still want to be friends:
1. The ex may wish the relationship never ended:
It could be as a result of anger that ensued during the relationship, the heat of the moment which he might now regret. They’ve regretted their actions and are willing to mend things up by becoming friends.
2. Your ex misses your friendship and company:
This is very common for people who were friends before they became lovers. At this point, they realized that friendship was better than going into a relationship.
3. Wants to be friends with benefits:
This is very common as most people tend to miss their ex because they miss their romance and sex. And since the relationship ended, they’ve not been intimate with anyone. They try to be friends again with the hope of getting intimate with their former partners.
4. Scales off eyes:
Maybe they realized that the relationship ended because it was one-sided or an infatuation. At some point before the relationship, they thought they wanted a relationship but when they got into the relationship they realized it was just lust and not love.
They do not want you to think of them as a flirt or pervert so they make up for it by becoming friends.
5. Level of Impact:
Some people have impacted their ex’s life in such a way that they can’t perform well without these people in their lives.
The impact could be in their chores, place of work, arrangements, etc. Maybe they thought they could adapt without the person but they have suddenly noticed that they can’t and the best way to have them back is through friendship.
6. Social Circle:
If they both share the same friends and they hang out almost all the time, it is possible to still be friends as they often meet and hangout
7. For Peace’s sake:
Some just want peace to reign, they believe just because they had a failed relationship does not mean they can’t still be friends. This is a very mature way to handle a breakup.
7 THINGS GUYS DO WHEN THEY’RE NOT OVER THEIR EXES:
As earlier stated, it is not easy to get over a relationship especially if you both were deeply in love and you guys were together for a long period.
That being said, there are various things, actions, or signs that you’ll notice from your partner which will make you begin to ask yourself: why my boyfriend can’t cut ties with his ex? Below are some common actions guys make when they’re not over their ex:
1. Both your boyfriend and his ex are constantly talking:
When they keep talking consistently on the phone or are texting each other, it could be that they still have feelings for each other.
2. He still contacts and visits her family:
After a relationship ends, it is common to distance yourself from the family. But when he keeps communicating and visiting the family like nothing ever happened, maybe he is hoping things can work out again and her family can help him.
3. He still keeps her stuff:
If he still has her pictures on the wall of his room, if he still has the clothes and clothing accessories she bought for him and he still cherishes them dearly, it means she still has a soft spot in his heart.
4. He still likes, comments on her pictures and posts on social media:
This may sound weird but it will look like he is stalking her on social media and this is an indicator that he truly loves somebody.
5 He speaks about her all the time:
This sounds funny because sometimes, he does it unconsciously. He talks about her favorite TV show, her favorite color, her favorite meal, and sometimes calls you by her name. He is obsessed with her because he still loves her.
6 He visits her more often:
He always checks up on her at her house or her workplace. He still has a spare key to her house and visits her whenever he pleases. It is a red flag.
7 He buys her gift:
He buys her gifts when it is not her birthday or special holiday or occasion. But buys her gifts like they are still together. Well, they could be together but you’re not aware.
IS IT OK TO ASK YOUR BOYFRIEND TO STOP TALKING TO HIS EX?
If you’re in a relationship with your man and he still talks to his ex consistently, then it is possible he still has feelings for that particular ex and you are most likely won’t be comfortable with that.
Now it is normal to feel jealous and uncomfortable with such an act. If you decide to tell him to stop talking to his ex, you’ve made the right move. It is one of the best things you can do in such situations.
Tell him it makes you uncomfortable and jealous, and listen to whatever he has to say about it. If you’re not convinced by his response, you can give him an ultimatum and his answer to the ultimatum will determine your next line of action.
WHAT ARE HEALTHY BOUNDARIES WITH AN EX?
Boundaries simply mean setting limits to things that you’ll tolerate and things you’ll not tolerate.
Setting boundaries with an ex makes it easier to take control of your emotions when relating to your ex, without hurting your partner or moving forward, it gives you a sense of responsibility.
It keeps your actions in check, gives you a sense of self-control. It gives you a balance between relating with your ex and respecting your partner.
SHOULD YOU ALLOW YOUR BOYFRIEND TO BE FRIENDS WITH HIS EX?
It is natural to feel jealous or worried when your boyfriend is still friends with his ex. However, it is not wrong for people who were once lovers to become platonic friends, because it is not easy to avoid someone you’ve known for years just because of a failed relationship unless the relationship was a toxic one.
This is not saying all friendships with an ex are healthy or platonic friendships, some are just cover-up tactics for getting their ex back.
If you have a bad feeling about it, talk to your partner about it. Remember, it is better to be safe than to be sorry. Here are some justifiable reasons that your boyfriend is allowed to be friends with your ex:
1. Maybe they were friends before they become lovers. And because the relationship did not work out does not mean they can’t still be friends.
2. Could possibly be because they share mutual friends and they run into each other on a fairly regular basis.
3. They are colleagues at work or possibly business partners. When they get to their work environment, they keep their relationship on the side and work together. If they own a business together, they keep it on the side and make profits.
4. If they have kids together and are co-parenting, it is healthy for everyone involved to be on the good terms this is because it helps the family.
5. Maybe they realized that they were better as friends than being a couple.
HOW DO YOU GET OVER THE FACT THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND HAS AN EX?
The thought of your boyfriend with other women other than you is a thing that can bother you and make you angry.
Anytime you think about it, you get sick to your stomach. If you feel this way, it means you have retroactive jealousy. Retroactive jealousy means overthinking about sexual or romantic events and people from a partner’s past.
If you want a beautiful, happy, and loving relationship together, you have to get over his past and focus on the future because we all have a past and it will be unfair if he starts to get angry about your past.
WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOUR BOYFRIEND WON’T STOP TALKING TO HIS EX?
When he keeps talking to his ex and spends a lot of time with her, you definitely would begin to ask: why my boyfriend won’t cut ties with his ex.
It becomes a problem, so rather than letting your emotions get the best of you, you need to calm down and don’t get into fights because of your boyfriend’s ex. We have arranged some steps for you to take when your boyfriend won’t stop talking to his ex.
1 Do not let your emotions get the best of you:
Let go of the anger and sadness before you decide on what to do, going to confront your boyfriend in such a state of mind might complicate issues. And these issues can create problems for your present relationship rather than solve them.
2 Talk to him politely:
There is nothing wrong with explaining your emotions or how you feel to your boyfriend, tell him you’re not comfortable and let him reassure you of his trust.
3 Believe in what he says:
Don’t try to go against what he has said, believe him and take his word for it. If you still have your doubt, carry out your investigation.
4 Come to a solution:
No disagreement above a peaceful resolution. You explain your feelings to your boyfriend and this can make him explain the situation between him and his ex. This can help you guys come to an agreement.
5 Carry out an investigation:
If your boyfriend has given you his word and you’re not still comfortable with it, then you can also investigate by yourself or find someone else to help you check out his relationship with his ex.
IS IT NORMAL TO BE JEALOUS OF YOUR BOYFRIEND’S EX
At this point, your boyfriend has given you a reason to be jealous and that’s because you love him wholeheartedly. Jealousy is also natural at this point and getting to the bottom of why you’re jealous is the most important part. With this jealousy, you might be able to quickly get to a solution for the problem and find peace in the end. That natural reaction can also expose a lot of things that can put you in a better place in the future. Jealousy here signifies that you’re trying to protect what you cherish and what means a lot to you.
From the article, we can see that it is possible for your boyfriend to still keep tabs on his ex-girlfriend and there is nothing wrong with that. But when the relationship between both of them goes beyond the normal friendship level to another level, you should follow some of the steps given above. It is also understandable if you are bothered and you ask yourself this question: why my boyfriend won’t cut ties with his ex. This is allowed because a little bit of jealousy is allowed in a relationship but controlling that jealousy and emotions is key to a happy relationship.