Most of us have found ourselves in a relationship with people that are not healthy for us. The thing about love is that we can’t choose who we love; our hearts decide that for us.
We pray for a solution when our hearts choose someone with this unideal characteristic. However, the question is can God change a toxic person?
As believers, we know that God hears and answers all our prayers. So praying for this person to change for the better is one move that can turn things around.
God can change a toxic person and he will do that when the individual listens to instructions and teachings. God loves humans and it brings joy to him when he sees a toxic person change for good. Opening one’s heart to God’s entrance is the first step to becoming free from toxicity.
Who is a toxic person?
The word itself means something poisonous enough to cause damage. So when you refer to someone like this, it means that they possess attributes that are harmful to others.
Every one of us has at least one undesirable trait. This is why when we are in a relationship, we can find ourselves hurting the people we claim to love.
But they are people who derive joy from being mean to others. Even if you try to speak with them about it, they will likely be as toxic as poison to you, causing so much pain and stress.
This trait of theirs drains you but energizes them. They are characters that cause you to have difficult days.
Sometimes these kinds of people might be passing through a rough patch. When you are dating them, instead of fixing their flaws, they start treating you like you are deplorable.
Additionally, there are some people who don’t need to go through tough times; they are just like that. Good at causing upset in the lives of people who care about them.
This may be the result of childhood trauma or a narcissistic disorder. Being with this kind of person can lead to emotional, physical, and mental abuse.
God’s words about a toxic person
Even if God is almighty, his words strongly discourage putting oneself above others. This is why the Bible says in Mark 12:31 that we should love others as we love ourselves.
The purpose of this is to make us understand that if you love others like yourself, you won’t hurt them. The word of God also explains further in Mathew 7:12 that we should do to others what we would want them to do to us.
So that helps you understand that God is not in support of mean treatment towards others. And this is what a toxic person is known for.
In fact, as a person who possesses this trait, you are already a sinner toward God. Because the Bible preaches against the ways of a noxious person.
In Philippians 2:2-3 the Bible admonishes us not to do anything out of selfishness. By virtue, we are all advised to be humble and to look not just at our own interests, but also at the interests of others.
This being said, you will understand that being toxic is a sin against God. To him, all people with these traits are sinners. Because if you follow his commandments, you won’t harm others.
God’s message to toxic people and how he intends to change them
There is a clear warning from God if you have all these unhealthy traits. His word explains how pride leads to a fall.
This means that if you see yourself as over-superior and don’t listen to the advice of others you will end baldy.
In Philippians, the Bible admonishes us not to do anything out of selfish ambition. If you do anything for selfish gain, you have sinned against God.
Furthermore, in the book of Leviticus he also instructed us not to take advantage of others. So if you are manipulated, then this has already caused you to do this against the will of your maker. And if you don’t change your ways, you will suffer the consequences.
But the question is, can God change a toxic person? God can turn anyone around but he cannot do this overnight. Sometimes God can use repercussions to bring about a narcissistic change.
This is one method God uses to change people that don’t act or listen to his commands. For instance, if you are a manipulative person, God can make it happen to you too. So you know how it feels and what you have been putting others through.
The fact is God cannot come down to change these people. Just like every other sinner, we have this thing that God placed within us, which is our conscience.
It gives us these self-judgmental thoughts when we are doing the wrong things to others. That is God’s way of changing noxious people.
As a Christian, your life should be a light for others. If you are around a poisonous person, you can admonish them. The word of God and the pattern of your daily life are God’s way of changing and speaking to sinners.
With the word of God and a heart of repentance, one may decide to turn over a fresh new page.
He uses this pattern to preach to us sinners. For this reason, he chooses ministers who will help spread and remind us of his words. So when we go astray he can redirect our paths.
What are the traits of a toxic person?
There are several ways you can spot a person with this character. If you are with someone who makes you sad more often than they make you happy, they are unhealthy for you.
Persons with these attributes are very skilled at claiming superiority. They feel they are in charge, so you don’t have a voice when you are with them. Due to this, they become possessive, obsessive, and controlling.
They won’t let you speak out. When you do, they will judge you as disrespectful. Decision-making is one-sided and they are even likely to choose your friends for you. That‘s if they let you have any.
When you try to make a complaint about their behavior, they act like you are the one who is thinking wrong. Or the one who triggers their actions.
And with time, you will notice you are beginning to accept it. That is the psychological effect of being in this group.
However, most people are unaware that they are this way. So, if you have any of these traits we just talked about, you might be detrimental to your partner or close associates.
In addition, if you are toxic, you tend to think only of yourself. This will lead you to be selfish, unkind, and lack empathy for others. Because as long as it’s not you, it doesn’t matter.
You can abuse others physically and mentally in your quest to prove your superiority on the show. Because to you, they are inferior. Even when you wrong others, you never apologize unless you want something.
Toxic characters in the Bible
The first person to come to mind is Saul, a king who was well-known for his poisonous deeds. He was jealous and self-absorbed. He was revealed as a wicked king.
His pride, greed, and jealousy distracted him from the Lord. He took for himself what God asked him to destroy, but did not kill King Agag as directed by God.
Another character who exhibited toxicity was Cain. Cain and Abel’s story shows that envy led him to hate and kill his brother. Cain was jealous because God favored Abel’s sacrifice over his.
This is one thing about jealousy and hate. The more you keep it, the more it develops into something dangerous.
God’s guide on how to leave a toxic relationship
When you are with someone who is detrimental to your mental health, leaving them can seem impossible. At the same time, they are still the people you would want more of.
If you find yourself in such situations, remember God does not want his children to be unhappy. And if you are with a noxious person God wants you to flee from such relationships.
In leaving such a relationship, God has instructed us to put him first. If you put him first, you will know you have all the love that you need. Our maker does not want us to react.
Keep silent and walk away because if you stay there for too long, they might mess you up and turn you into someone like them. If you need comfort, turn to God in prayer and read his words.
How Jesus dealt with toxic people
One of Jesus’ ways of dealing with toxic people is keeping silent. Like he said if someone slaps you on the right cheek give them the other one.
Jesus is not trying to say you should let others take advantage of you. He is saying there is no need to react. All you need to do is simply walk away.
He further demonstrated this with the story of King Herod in Luke’s Gospel. When the king was asking him questions he didn’t say a word.
His approach was primarily to walk away. Even after knowing Judas was intending to betray him, he didn’t pursue him; he let him go.
And when people wanted him all to themselves after seeing all he could do, Jesus also left them. This is to let us know that we do not have to chase anyone who doesn’t act right.
You don’t chase or react. You just keep silent and walk away or let them leave if they wish.
Does God want me around a toxic person?
As God sends people to build us, the devil also sends people to destroy us. Therefore, our creator does not want us to be in the same gathering with noxious people.
In Corinthians, the Bible states that evil communication corrupts God’s manners. This means that if you stay around people who are ill-mannered, they will either destroy you or turn you evil.
So, if you find yourself in such relationships, the advisable option is to ask God for the courage to walk away. Because if you try to change someone that does not want to be changed, you can end up destroying yourself.
How to heal from a toxic relationship
To recover from the trauma of being in an unhealthy relationship is to accept that it was not you, it was them. If you keep thinking you are the one who made them treat you the way they did, it would be extremely difficult for you to move on.
Allow yourself to feel the hurt without trying to deny it. The truth is even if you feel terrible, you might still love them. But you just have to leave because you know they don’t love you or won’t treat you right.
Remove everything that reminds you of them. Resist the urge to want to know how their life is progressing. By seeing them as not the one for you every day, you can find closure.
Do not wish for a day when they will apologize.
Try and make new friends someone you can trust to tell everything about. This way, you can gradually get your mind off them. The more you get off them the more you realize they were of no use to you.
Try to create more time for yourself and do things that help you grow. You should know that healing is not something that happens overnight.
It is going to be a gradual process. You have to give yourself time.
You can also see a therapist if you see that it is becoming too difficult for you and has affected you too deeply.
Bible verses about toxic relationships and how to be free from them
God explains unhealthy relationships and why we should avoid them.
James 3:16 For where envying and strife are, there is confusion and every evil work.
Hebrews 10:24-25 And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works. Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is. But exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.
Corinthians 15:33 Do not be deceived: evil communication corrupts good manners.
Proverb 22:24-25. Make no friendship with an angry man. And a furious man thou shalt does not go: lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul.
More than one Bible verse teaches us that God does not want us to be in toxic relationships. He warns us that it will destroy us and that it is very difficult for us to change these people.
God advises us to let go. His words tell us to forget the past; do not dwell on it. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43:18-19
He advises that we should not dwell on the past. If it is too challenging for us to let go or heal from the hurt we should come to him.
Matthew 11:28-30 Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
Praying for toxic people around you
If you have been asking the question, can God change a toxic person? The answer is yes, and prayers are one of the ways God can change them. The Bible encourages us to pray and teaches us that God can heal and restore us.
So if you have noxious people around you, you should be aware that God created them too. So no matter how mean they treat you, you should never wish them evil. Instead, bless them as the Bible instructed.
Ask God to make them know him more because if they loved him, they would do his will and not act in meaningful ways for others. Ask God to remove everything that leads them to behave in this way.
Everyone is not the way they are by choice. Maybe due to their own traumatic experiences. So you should ask God to restore peace to you, and to them, as well.
Furthermore, they are mean people who think they are acting right. As Christians, pray that God opens their eyes to see their faults. Finally, ask that God forgives their sins and yours too.
Take home
Yes God can do the impossible. It is not advisable to stay in an unhealthy relationship hoping God will change the person.
If you read your bible you will understand that God does not wish unhappiness for any of us. And he strongly advised us not to hang around evil people.
If you find yourself in such a situation don’t react. Instead, let this be and move on. If you are hurt, get closer to God and he will give you rest.
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