Dating a separated man can put you in a state of dilemma. You start to ask yourself if you might be doing the right or wrong thing. It can also be a very risky situation because he is still the legal husband of his ex-wife.
If you are looking for ways to handle dating separated men, here are some things to do that will enable you to have a successful relationship with ex-married men.
Ways to successfully date a separated man
1. Don’t put too much into the relationship just yet
A relationship with an unofficial divorced man can sometimes end up badly. You may not know if he will get back with his wife or not, and this uncertainty can drive you crazy.
The best thing to do is try to keep the relationship casual, don’t put everything right into it. This keeps you on the safe side and also gives the man time to decide what he wants.
It is advisable to wait for all the divorce proceedings to be over before asking for something serious.
2. Always Express Your Feelings
This type of relationship can be hell for some people. The lack of commitment from the man might make you feel unwanted. The best thing to do is always tell him how you feel.
Whenever you feel confused, let him know. You have the right to know your stand. This can help you hold on longer to set the stage for a potential future.
3. Allow Him to always put his Family First
One thing you should always put in mind is that most times he will always put his family first. When you try to stop this it’s going to result in a lot of conflicts between you two. So, the best thing to do is allow him to put his family first, don’t force him to commit to what you both have.
Commitment is a natural outcome of being an indispensable life partner in a relationship and not something you can force.
4. Try to be His place of Peace
An unofficially divorced man would be going through a lot. He might want to marry you but sometimes can just suddenly ghost you. You should know it is not about you doing something wrong, it’s about him going through a very difficult phase.
The extreme mood change is highly expected from someone who just had a broken marriage. The more you expect it, the better you’ll handle it when it happens.
Make Yourself a place of peace for him, you have to be someone he can always run to when he has a lot going on in his head. This will make him want to spend a lot of time with you.
5. Put away your jealousy
The fact he will still want to visit and hear from his family can make you jealous at times. You should learn to put your jealousy aside when this happens.
Challenges of dating a separated man
Every relationship has its challenges, but having an affair with an unofficial divorced man comes with specific challenges that you are likely to experience.
let’s take a look at some of the problems you might face dating separated men
1. Attachment to his Family:
One painful reality about being in a relationship with a man who just had a broken marriage and was not legally divorced is that you could just be a way for him to get over his ex-wife. You should get ready to always hear stories about the ex-wife.
2. He could still be having feelings for her:
The fact that the man might still be nursing feelings for his ex-wife could be a problem for you because you want him to be yours, but he is at the stage where he does not even know where wants to be.
In time, he might even decide to go back to his family. All this would be going through your head and can put you in a very messy situation.
3. You should be ready to be his unofficial therapist:
All he might be needing at that particular moment might be someone to talk to and not someone to date. You might be together and you would be expecting you guys to share a couple of moments. The next thing you would hear is him complaining about his current situation all the time. This can ruin a lot for you and make you feel used.
4. Uncertainty:
The fact that it takes a very long time for the man to get over his past relationship also due to the long legal process involved means you have to wait for a very long time for things to work out. This can put you in a very risky situation because you can be wasting your time thinking you are being patient.
Questions to ask before dating a separated man
Due to all the risks involved In having a relationship with a man from a recently broken marriage, you should put some things into consideration. This will help you put yourself on a bit safer side.
Let’s take a look at some questions to ask before going into a relationship with a separated man;
1. Does he love you?
You should watch out for signs that show he truly loves you or just using you as a rebound to get over his divorce. Watch out for how much effort he puts to get you back together. and also his efforts towards is divorce legal procedures.
2. How long has he been separated?
You should find out how long he has been alone. This can determine how fast you guys can be together if he is a newly single man you have to prepare yourself for the long task ahead.
3. Why did they decide to separate?
You have to find out the reason for the broken marriage. This can help you understand the kind of man you are about to get into a relationship with. Also, try to find out whose fault it was and what they did that resulted in the broken marriage.
4. Does he and his wife still live together?
If he still lives together with his ex-wife even after their marriage has broken, this should be a great concern to you because it’s going to make him a very long time to get over the divorce.
5. Are he and his wife working towards reconciliation?
Some men can be very trickish they tell you they are no longer with their wives but are secretly doing everything possible to get back to their ex-wife while they tell you they are filing for a divorce you should try to find out if he is still trying to reconcile with his a wife by checking how serious he takes the legal divorce process.
6. How do they split parenting duties if they have children?
If they have children you should check out how they split duties, to see if it would involve your new man always going there or if it is something you can handle, maybe having the kids come over sometimes.
7. Have they each agreed to see other people?
You should try to confirm if they are officially divorced and not just have some issues that might be resolved soon. You should try to know if they are fully separated and have agreed to date, other people.
Ways to make a separated man fall for you:
There are several ways to make a separated man fall in love with you; one effective way is to be his place of peace, be someone he can run to every time. Try to always give him a listening ear.
Also, try to do things that can help him forget his current situation; this can make him start to get fond of you and in turn, can also make him fall in love with you.
Try to find out the cause of his broken marriage;
If it’s a problem with the ex-wife you can use this to your advantage. If it’s something his wife did not do or was doing that made him quit, you try to portray yourself as exactly everything he wanted his ex-wife to be, this can make him fall in love with you.
Also, find out how long he has been apart from his wife. A man who just had a broken marriage is most times more difficult to date compared to someone single for a long period. That’s because his wounds are still fresh so you should be very patient with him.
How to date a separated man newly:
When seeing an ex-married man, you always have to accept the fact that he is in transition. He will experience mood swings and some things that act confused.
You should know your risk; which is you might lose him so you should date him with caution and also try to act like you are not jealous even when you are this will help you both have a relationship with fewer quarrels.
Is it bad to date a newly separated man?
An affair with a man who just came out of a broken marriage can make you have mixed feelings. You will try to decide if you are doing the right or wrong thing but is it bad to date a newly separated man?
An affair with an unofficial divorced man can cause more harm to you than you can imagine. The fact that he has not legally divorced means that you are involved in adultery and this might be against your religion and give you a guilty conscience. You can also just be an emotional bridge to him
One can not say if it is right or wrong to date a separated man, because we all look but see differently to some it might be bad to some it might be good so it is left for you to thoroughly look at everything to decide if you are doing the right or wrong thing.
Signs that dating a separated man will be a success:
All these are signs that show a separated man is ready to date again
1. He handled his divorce gracefully:
As he talks about his divorce, listen to the words he uses.
It is a good sign if he’s cooperative and not holding back anything. And this is exactly the attitude you should want in a partner. Not someone who handles the divorce like a game and a manipulative pattern.
2. He speaks respectfully about his ex:
Also, if he describes the decision to divorce as being mutual, it is a good sign he’s supportive. He is not the kind that would speak badly of his wife. This does not mean he still loves her, it means he respects her.
3. He’s an open book:
Watch how he reacts when you ask him a question about his ex and other aspects of his life. If he is always to share and open up to you means he is ready to try another relationship.
3. He treats you with respect:
A man who loves you will treat you with respect even if he has another family, he is going to respect how you feel and give you his time and attention. If you always have to fight for his attention with his family it means he is not ready to try another relationship.
Watch out for these red flags before dating a separated man
1. He is secretive:
This is something you should worry about when he does not like to share or tell you anything about his life. It’s a serious red flag.
2. He does not take his divorce proceedings seriously.
3. He does not treat you with respect, he talks about his family and does not care how you feel about that.
4. Still has a strong attachment with his family.
5. He does not talk about his ex-wife with respect; this means he might not be a supportive man if he puts all the reasons for separation on his wife to make himself look good.
As an adult, you should be fully aware of the situation you are getting into or currently in. Having a relationship with a man from a broken marriage and not legally divorced puts you in a tricky situation.
Always put this at the back of your mind; he is still the legal husband of his wife and has responsibilities towards her and the family.
Even with all the risks and challenges involved, there are high tendencies that the relationship can still work out and it depends on the readiness of both parties if you are dating an unofficially divorced man.
I hope reading this article helps you get through all the hurdles.
Good luck!
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