You are reading this article probably because your relationship just ended, and you have to go through the stage of cutting with your ex. Usually in this stage, one or both of you are expected to make or initiate the first contact. If the relationship ended because your ex did something to hurt you, it is expected to make him make the first contact. But this is not your case. Your ex hurt you and has also not contacted you yet. And this makes you begin to ask yourself; “why hasn’t my ex tried to contact me?”
Well, some of the major reasons why your ex might not have contacted you are: He might be taking his time to process the breakup or they are not interested in getting back to you. He could be playing mind games. They would rather just take the opportunity to focus on their lives.
I know you have a lot of bothering questions: Will he ever call? How long is it going to take him to contact me? This article will help you answer all the questions going through your head right now.
15 reasons why your ex hasn’t tried to contact you
1. He needs some space:
Sometimes, the reason for all the issues that lead to breaking up could be that your ex needs some space. So when the breakup happens, he is going to see it as the time to get the space they have been longing for. They might just need the time to clear their head and have a rethink about everything.
2. That’s all they wanted:
Someone who has always wanted to end your relationship would be happy that it ended. And won’t even bother reaching back to you when there’s a breakup. So, if your ex suddenly started acting like they wanted a breakup even while you were dating, he might not call you back when you end things.
3. He is angry:
When a relationship ends, the two of you might not want to accept the blame. So, it’s either he is feeling like you ruined everything and hurt them, and that’s why they are holding back from reaching you. So you have to check yourself to see if you are really at fault, call him or wait for him to realize their mistake.
4. He is trying to play the mind game:
Sometimes, some partners prefer that you do the chasing. There are people who enjoy a relationship with a lot of drama. They are the kind of people that would pick an offense and turn it into a big deal. So if you have an issue with such an ex, he would try to play mind games with you. This will make you start asking questions like the one you are asking now: why hasn’t my ex tried to contact me? Am I the one at fault? Have they permanently dumped me down?
Even when you try to call such a person they are likely going to ignore your calls. The only way to make them reach you is to try to beat them in their own game.
5. They are waiting for you to make the first move:
This is one common reason why exes don’t make contact after a breakup. Well, as you are wondering why he has not contacted you, he is probably pondering on the same thing. He wants you to make the first move. Even when they miss you so much and want to talk to you, they would hold back because they are too proud and feel you should be the first to contact them.
6. He is fighting a battle within:
Your ex might be going through some life challenges that they might not have spoken to you about. So if maybe you had a breakup, it is going to be hard for them to process everything. H is going to be fighting his battles and beating himself over the fact that things ended between you too. I know you want them to contact you, but have you thought about the possibility that he could be very sick or going through depression or other life challenges right now?
7. He doesn’t want to appear needy:
If maybe you are the one who ended the relationship, maybe based on the fact that your ex was too needy, that alone it’s big enough to affect their self-esteem. So if the breakup happens, they are not going to want to reach you, so you won’t start to think they are too clingy.
8. He never loved you:
This is straight and simple. Someone who never loved you from the beginning of the relationship but just dated you because of your body or other reasons would not bother contacting you when things ended. Because he never cared about you.
9. He sees this as revenge:
Your ex could be using the long absence to let you know they can do without you. Also, to make you feel bad for everything you have done to him. Even when you try to call him, he won’t even want to answer you, they want you to feel so bad for your actions.
10. He needs healing:
When the heart is hurt, it needs time to heal. So if maybe you hurt him, he might try to ignore you so he won’t remember the pain and have the alone time to heal from all the distress you caused them. Someone who also wronged you may also need some time to heal from the guilt of hurting you too.
11. He moved on so fast:
Maybe your ex had another partner before now or already had a fling with someone else. So when your relationship ended he just started a new relationship so fast and don’t even care if they broke up with you.
12. They are stubborn:
Some people are naturally stubborn. When it comes to issues like these, their stubbornness comes into play. Even when their heart is telling them to call, they will refuse. Most times such people melt at the first instant you try to reach them.
13. They think you hurt them:
Someone who thinks you hurt him/her, will not want to contact you because they feel you hurt them too much and if there should be anyone doing the calling, it should be you.
14. He is still battling with the shock:
Your ex could still be battling with the shock of calling off the relationship he cherished with all his life just because you felt he wasn’t the right one for you again. He is trying to bring himself to that reality. He’s dazed, sober, and withdrawn. You belittled him just because you found someone you believe is better and now his ego and manliness have been bruised. In this situation, he might not reach ever again.
15. He was advised to stay off you:
He has been warned by several people not to ever communicate with you again so he can remain alive and also remain a productive member of society. A breakup can render anyone useless and it’s best to try to come out of it stronger so one can continue to be productive and achieve goals and aspirations.
10 ways to get your ex to contact you
1. Work on yourself:
The first way to get your ex to start to miss you enough to contact you is to work on yourself. Work on your looks and chase that dream. If he sees how you are getting on and improving your living he is going to want to contact you.
2. Don’t post negativity on social media:
You don’t have to start posting stuff like you are trying to get back at him or like you are hurt. That will scare him away from contacting you.
3. Go out with friends and have fun:
Going out with your friend and having fun would make him start to miss you. If he sees how others are enjoying you instead of him, he is going to start to miss you and want to contact you.
4. Try to initiate the first contact:
No contact does not mean you don’t contact him first. You can try to just send mail like you want to hear from him. Don’t make it look like you want to start a conversation or you want to resume things like hey “I just wanted to say hi.” that way they are going to want to contact you. You are doing this so you can know for sure why they have not contacted you. So this way, you can be able to understand the reason for their actions.
5. Try to reconnect with him:
When you have made the first contact, he is going to want to keep contacting you. When he does, don’t make it look like you just want to rush back into things. You have to change their focus from let’s get back together, to let’s try to reconnect. This will make them see the possibility of things working between you two again.
6. You need to try to resolve every emotional challenge:
Try to sort out everything that you both might be feeling. Maybe hurt, betrayal, try to talk about it and try to resolve it. Then you can forgive each other for whatever might have happened.
7. You have to leave the door open for future communication:
When you are talking with him, you have to make him understand it is not like you are trying to kick start things. But you would prefer things to be this way first but you are open if he wants to talk. That way you are letting him know that he can call you if he wants but you are not ready to restart anything now.
8. Don’t allow yourself to look vulnerable in front of them:
It’s easier for your ex to spot that, he still can get over you easily and that would make them hold back in contacting you. He might be feeling you are always there waiting for him. So you have to try to make it look like you are good without them and if they don’t act fast they might lose you permanently.
9. Always do things that make him want to contact you:
Your ex would like to contact you if he sees that you are becoming so beautiful. So you have to try to post pictures of you hanging out or you looking so beautiful they are going to be tempted to contact you.
10. Don’t act like you are trying to get things back together so fast:
Even if you talk to him. Always try to act like you are not in a hurry to get back together. This will make him want to chase you more.
How long does it take for an ex to reach out?
It depends on the initial cause of the breakup and if they care about you. Usually, if they care it’s going to take days, weeks, or months for them to reach back to you. But if he doesn’t care, he might never reach out to you.
How do you know if you will never contact me again?
There is no certain way to know that he may or may not come back to you. But certain things might determine if your ex is going to come back or not.
If the relationship ended badly, which made you guys hate each other so much, there might be a slim chance of him coming or contacting you. If you guys said a lot to each other, it’s going to be difficult for him to contact you back. Because he is going to be trying to live with the hurt.
If he never loved you or got tired of you he might never contact you again.
How long is too long for no contact?
The no contact rule can last from weeks to 90 days. It depends on how long you guys dated. You can follow a no contact rule for more than 90 days for the sake of your mental health. But anything up to a year is probably too long for a no contact. Both of you are going to know when is proper to break the no contact or if to just keep things that way.
Is it wrong to check up on your ex?
The fact that you have a no contact rule does not mean that you can’t break it sometimes. What if you are waiting for your ex to contact you not knowing something bad has happened to them? Maybe he had an accident or got robbed. So if your heart tells you to check up on your ex you can. It shows that you care about him and you are kind. The fact that you broke up with someone does not make them your enemy. But if you want to move on from them after an unhealthy relationship, you have to try not to contact them even
Should I break no contact?
Well the no contact is meant to be broken at some point, one of you has to be the one to make the first move. No contact is meant to give you two the space to think about the whole relationship. And see if you should just move on or try to fix things. But if he executed the breakup, it is not advisable to be the one to make the first move.
Should I move on too?
Moving on is up to you. But you have to consider the situation surrounding the breakup. Does it look like your ex has moved on? Are you sure the relationship is something you want again? Do you think it’s going to work out if you try to fix things? Do you think the relationship is healthy for you? If you can answer these questions you will be able to decide if you should move on or not.
Your ex not contacting you yet can be because of any of the reasons listed in this article. You have to try to figure out which of them might be the reason he has not reached out to you. If you can do that, then you can get the answer you seek. Good luck!