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It’s Scary – Why Does My Ex Want to Hurt Me So Much?

It’s Scary – Why Does My Ex Want to Hurt Me So Much?

“Why does my ex want to hurt me so much? when it looks like they have moved on?” Lots of women, including me, have asked ourselves this question at one time or another.

Not just men, women try to hurt their ex too after breaking up. It took me a while to understand that breakups can have different effects on different people. While some just simply move on, forget about their ex and everything related, others will hold on to it, hate on their ex, and might even go as far as trying to harm them. So why would an ex want to hurt you so much? 

Most times, an ex tries to cause you pain because they still have feelings for you. But now the feeling has developed into hate. They are going to try to do anything to hurt you. It’s now like they enjoy your pain, it makes them feel better.  But why will they do this if they already moved on?

Here are some reasons why your ex would want to hurt you so bad

12 Reasons your ex wants to hurt you so much

1. Your ex thinks you hurt them too much 

When you break up with some people, it can hurt them so much, even if they were the ones that wanted the breakup. Maybe you did something like cheat on them, they are going to want to break up but that hurt you caused them will always be there.

So even when you go your separate ways, they are going to remember how you hurt them and might want to hurt you back. 

2. Your ex thinks you moved on so fast

I remembered when I broke up with my ex and almost immediately started a relationship. Because the new guy I met was the reason I broke up with him. So my boyfriend became so angry and I was wondering why does my ex want to hurt me so much? I thought he moved on? This made me realize that when you move on so fast it can make your ex develop a kind of hatred towards you and try to hurt you.

3. Your ex thinks the relationship was abusive

Did you abuse them? Whether verbal, emotional, or physical, it’s going to make them hate you and want to inflict pain on you to make them feel better. So, if your ex thinks your relationship was abusive, they might be trying to hurt you because of that.

4. They still have feelings for you

When a relationship ends, feelings don’t just die like that. It can take a long time and the fact that they still have feelings for you but don’t want to date you will make them want to cause you pain. Because, to them, you can’t leave them and still be the reason why they can’t date others.

They will have this feeling that if you acted right, the relationship would have continued. Now after the break up they can’t stop loving you and hate that fact.

5. They are angry  

Anger is another thing that is responsible for your ex-negative actions towards you. When two people split ways it can make both or either of them angry. And whenever this anger kicks in, they want to cause pain to their ex because the pain makes them feel better.

6. The break up was devastating for them

So breaking up can cause us emotional trauma. Maybe your ex is going through the phase that’s why they want to inflict pain on you as payback 

7. You hurt their Ego

Sometimes when we break up with people, they start to think low of themselves. They think they are not good enough for anyone because their self-esteem was destroyed. In this case, your ex might try to become better just to cause you pain and make you regret losing them

8. You humiliated them

No one should be humiliated. If your breakup has disgraced your ex in front of everyone, or you did something very degrading to them during the relationship, they are going to look for ways to do it back to you.

9. They hate you

You probably heard the phrase “ there is a thin line between love and hate.” So you could have done something that would make your ex start to see you as a completely different person which will make them despise you.

10. Victim mentality 

If they feel like they were a victim and everything that happened in the relationship was your fault and you did it just because you wanted to play with their feelings, they might come for you because they are hurt and want to hurt you too

11. Payback

This is another thing that explains the other reasons. Some people believe in revenge. So when you hurt them they won’t find happiness until they hurt you too.

12. Dumpers pain

Anyone that has been dumped will know how painful it is. You will feel used, stupid, etc… So that pain not everyone can suck in. So the fact you dump them, makes it look like they were nothing to you so they are going to try to cause you that kind of pain too.

Things exes do to hurt you 

An ex can do all sorts of things to hurt you. They do things that would make them feel satisfied and feel happy. Exes can do Intentional or unintentional things to hurt you some things can do to hurt you are:

  • Posting your nudes on social media
  • Tarnishing your image to your friends 
  • Threatening you
  • Getting engaged, married
  • Trying to ruin your new relationship 
  • Moving on fast 
  • Ignoring and avoiding you

What to do when your ex is trying to hurt you

If your ex is trying to hurt you, the best thing to do is to try to talk to them about it. See if you guys can settle your scores and see what is making them vengeful. Then you can try to apologise again. 

Don’t ever try to reciprocate the fight; it’s going to make your ex happy because that’s what they want. They want a post break up and if you retaliate they are going to keep on doing it. And you can beat them at their game because they wanted it. 

If you try to talk to them and it does not seem to be working out, you can leave and go on to live your life except if there is a threat to life you can go to the police and make a report about it.

Will my ex stop trying to hurt me 

Revenge is a sign of immaturity. Your ex refuses to grow to understand that, the fact that a relationship does not work out does not make you both enemies. They are going to stop when they grow mature enough to understand what they are doing is wrong but how long do you think that will last? That really should not be your concern. Your ex’s behavior has nothing to do with you. It tells more of the kind of person they are.

So you should learn to just overlook and live your life. They are going to get tired when they see you are not retaliating and living your life. 

How to cope with an ex wanting to hurt me so much

Yes, it’s going to hurt you when you see your ex wanting to hurt you and makes you may wonder “why does my ex want to hurt me so much when I was nice to them” Well your ex might be hurting you for the reason best known to them. The best thing to do is try to go on with your life, don’t let the hurt get to you. They are just pained and refuse to move on with their life.

If you try to talk to them they continue to try to talk to your family or friends or talk to the police. Most people are capable of bad things; they just need to be pushed that far. So you have to make a police report to keep yourself safe.

10 signs your ex wants to hurt you so bad 

If your ex is capable of hurting you they are going to show some of the following signs.


1. Blame you for the breakup 

When they are blaming you for the breakup it’s a sign they are keeping grudges and might want to hurt you so bad.

2. Are angry

Anger is not good. If you break up with your partner and they are angry they are going to try to hurt you because of the anger they feel.

3. Are sabotaging you

They are ruining every friendship or relationship you try to get into. 

4.  Try to make you jealous

They are trying to act like they are happy, trying to act like they have moved on so fast, so when you see them you are going to feel jealous and hurt.

5. Telling everyone about the breakup

If they are telling everyone that the breakup was your fault it’s a sign they are trying to hurt you so bad.

6. Always picking up a fight with you

Is your ex always looking for ways to get in a fight with you whether verbal or physical it’s a sign they are looking for ways to inflict pain on you.

7. Tell you how much you hurt them

If someone is always reminding you how much you hurt them, it means they host you for it and they will want to hurt you too if they have the chance.

8. Let you know they will never forgive you

After the breakup, you tried to talk to them like let’s be friends. They might say okay, but you will see it in their eyes that they have not forgiven you and hate you. That’s a sign they might try to harm you.

9. Post stuff that suggests they want to hurt you online

If they are posting stuff online that suggests that they have not forgiven you, stuffs that implies that they wish you lots of bad things, then that means they might want to hurt you 

10. Send you threats and offensive image 

Different people have different ways of reading to break up. Your ex can go extreme and start threatening your happiness, your life, different ways of reading to break up your ex can go extreme and start threatening your happiness, your life, or your family. If they are doing that you know they want to hurt you badly.

How to know my ex has moved on

1. They are happy you are dating other people

If your ex sees you with your new partner and doesn’t act jealous and even tries to be friends with them then they have moved on.

2. They are in a new relationship

When your ex starts dating and doesn’t secretly contact you it means they moved on.

3. He cut off contacts

They no longer call or text you, and do not even mind if you call or text 

4. They suggest you move on 

If your ex comes to you and suggests dating other people it means they stop having feelings for you and want to move on with your life too.

Is it okay to keep in touch with your ex?

It depends on both of you. If you decide that it is over and you can stay friends then you can try it. But it’s not advisable to keep in touch with your ex. The impulse you feel that makes you want to contact them shows you still have feelings for them. Yes, you are not enemies but if you keep talking with them it’s going to delay you from moving on. You can say “Hi”  once in a while but you don’t need to be in touch.

The phrase “there is a thin line between love and hate,” properly explains why your ex will want to hurt you so much. Love can quickly develop into hate when a breakup happens. So your sweet loving partner might become the person who hates you the most after a breakup.

Many of the reasons are explained in this article. What you try to do is overlook it and don’t retaliate. Move on with your life, try to talk to them about it, and talk to the police when it looks like there is a threat to your life.

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