Finding out how to deal with people who use you is crucial. You have to learn how to love yourself, say no to some requests or pressure, and set boundaries to deal with ‘users’ effectively.
In the course of living our lives, we encounter various kinds of people. Some are good to us, and some are just there to use us to their advantage. Whether in our family, relationship, or workplace, we are bound to meet people whose only aim is to manipulate us. So this might make you wonder how to screen out users and deal with people who use you.
Below are practical ways you can handle people that like to manipulate others.
18 Tips On How To Deal With People Who Use You
1. Learn to say no
One thing that makes it easier for people to use you could be your inability to say no. Whether it is a romantic or platonic relationship, when they realize that you are the type that doesn’t know how to say no, even when it’s not convenient for you, they would start to take advantage of you.
So, one of the best ways to stop people from using you is to stop being too nice or remain people pleaser. When users notice that you are now saying no to them, they will try other means to manipulate you, and at this point, stand the NO, no matter the size.
2. Learn to love yourself
Loving yourself is one way to get past the phase of getting used easily. If you think you are not good enough and like to seek people’s validation, it will give them the leverage to use you continuously. Because you have put your happiness in their hands, you want to do everything to make them happy.
Therefore to stop yourself from being used, find happiness in yourself. Then you won’t need anyone’s validation, and you will be able to deal with any manipulator in your life.
3. Set boundaries
Before people begin to use you, they would want to cross your boundaries and see how you will react. If they notice they can get away with just doing anything to you, they will begin to take you for granted and use you. In dealing with people like this, you must consistently spot it when they cross your boundaries; this will help stop them from taking you for granted or using you.
4. Look For A Distraction
One thing about letting people use you is that you might see them as people you can’t do without or people that are so important to you. If you want to deal with people like this, get something that will take your mind off them. If they notice that you are beginning to draw away from them, they will try more ways to get you back to their beck and call. They will eventually stop using you or talking to you if it does not work out.
5. Be emotionally detached
Emotions can make us turn blind’s eyes to facts. Even when we see that people are using us, leaving them might be very difficult because of what will feel for them. You have to fight the feelings you have for them. If you can control your emotions, you will understand how to deal with people who use you.
6. Stop feeling guilty
You might think it’s your fault they are using you, which could make you stay longer in that toxic relationship or friendship.
Even when you want to leave, you might think about how they would feel instead of how you would feel. This is something that would never help you get out of being used.
7. Stop making excuses for them
Making excuses for people is one thing that makes them keep using you. You keep thinking they are doing it for a reason, or you might even think it’s because of something you must have done. That way, you are only giving them more opportunities to use you.
8. Be independent
In learning how to deal with people who use you, you must learn how to be independent. Learn to do things yourself. If users notice that you no longer depend on them for many things, especially emotionally, they won’t see any ways to use you.
9. Block them or cut communication with them
One of the best ways to deal with people who take advantage of others is to cut them off immediately after you notice their toxic traits. If you find that they always want you to do things in their favor, it’s time to cut them off.
10. Talk to them about it
If they are someone you are in a relationship with, the best thing to do once you notice this attitude is to talk to them about it.
However, one thing you should know is that people who use others might have this trait but don’t know it, and even if they do, when you talk to them about it, they would want to act as if they would change. But if you notice they are not changing, you should cut them off as fast as possible.
11. Learn self-respect
Well, if you don’t respect yourself no one is going to respect you. If you bring yourself so low, everyone would want to use you. So in knowing how to deal with people who use you, you must learn to respect and place yourself in high esteem.
12. Be confident
Just like respecting yourself, building confidence might be seen as pride, but it’s not. If you don’t have the confidence to turn down people’s requests, you will always be an easy target for users.
13. Stand up for yourself
Most times, the edge that manipulators have over others is that some people can’t speak up for themselves, even when they are apparent signs they have been used. If you can stand up to anyone, be it a colleague, spouse, or even a family member, they won’t dare to do it again.
14. Listen to what people say
Although it is usually advised not to listen to third parties, it is good to pay attention to what people say. The reason is that they can see things you can’t see why you are in a relationship.
If everyone shares a similar view about your unique relationship, then it’s time you retake a thorough look at things.
15. Don’t be too available
Being too available is like saying, ‘hey I am here. You can take advantage of me.’
So this is simple. To put users in their place, make your presence something they have to seek for.
16. Stop people pleasing
If you are the type that always wants people to see you as being friendly, I am sorry to tell you; you will have manipulators around you for a very long time. People don’t appreciate overly lovely people and try to use them.
17. Don’t broadcast your wealth
If this person is always asking for your help financially or otherwise, it might mean that you must have told them how much wealth you have in your position. Trying to reverse the way they see you as a money bag they can always fetch from is one of the most effective ways to deal with such people.
18. Be quick to spot Manipulation
A manipulator might act like they are going to change at some point, you have to set your eyes out for red flags, so as not to fall for their games again.
How To Stop Someone From Trying To Use You
1. Listen to your instinct
Something inside us constantly tells us whenever we are doing something right or wrong. If you are always getting the feeling that you are being manipulated, then it might be true. If you listen to your instinct and do not try to shut it up, you might be able to stop people from using you.
2. Set and implement boundaries
It is one thing to set boundaries, and it is another to protect and speak up when they are being crossed. If someone is always crossing your boundaries, stopping them indirectly stops them from using you.
3. Avoid people pleasing
If you are not okay with doing anything for someone, then don’t do it. If someone is using you and you are the type that can’t say no to others, you won’t be able to stop them.
4. Always take the time to analyze your situation
No matter the situation or who this person is to you, it will help if you take the time to look at your relationship carefully. Is it one-sided? Are they always asking for your favor and angry if you can’t help them? That shows they are trying to use you. When you are quick to spot manipulators, it will help you to prevent yourself from being used.
5. Speak up
Learn to talk to people you can trust about your situation, Whenever you feel you are in an unhealthy relationship. Most times, manipulators would try to draw you away from your circle. Whenever someone is doing this, there are high chances they have plans to use you.
How Do You React To Someone Using You
1. Cut them off
Although challenging, adopting this principle is the best way to react when someone decides to use you against your desires. Even when someone is using you, you might still feel some connections to them, which is why it is usually tricky to cut them off; for someone to use you, they have to be very close to you. Well, as hard as it seems and as hurtful as it might be, cutting them off is the best thing you should do when you are sure you are being used.
2. Don’t react with emotions
Doing things like being dramatic or trying to cry and talk to their friends about it will only let them know how much you can’t do without them; this gives them more leverage to manipulate you.
3. Don’t try to hurt them back
Yes, it will get to a point l, where you will feel the rage to do something that will hurt them after you have realized how you have been played from the start. But don’t let this happen to you you. It might even leave you out to further manipulation.
4. Take time before you react
This is the most draining stage when you are being used. You would want to answer all the questions about why they are taking advantage of you. Well, see if you can solve the puzzle before you take any decision like cutting them off or talking to them about it.
What Type Of Person Uses Others?
They are flawed, manipulative people who usually appear very sweet and everything you wanted at the early stage. But gradually, they will start to take advantage of you, especially when it dawns on them that they have gotten a complete hold of you, and the fact that they have made themselves so important to you, you will find it difficult to leave or do without them.
How To Spot A User
1. They are only nice to you when they need something
They get you by their unique personalities. They know that’s something you are always longing to see. So whenever they want something from you, they will start acting nice because that’s the easiest way to take advantage of you.
2. They always ask for your favor
Is always about what you can do for them. These people are very good at lying. So they would find different stories to tell that will make you always want to help them out.
3. They never give back
When is your turn to want something they will be missing? To them, it is all about them and not you. They are only with you because of what they can get from you.
4. They are pushy
It is always like they will get angry if you don’t help them with their request. Even if you say no, these people will keep pushing until you agree.
How To Deal With Friends Who Only Use You
Friends who like to use you are not your friends at all. They are just there for the benefit they can get from you. So the best way to deal with them is to cut them off as soon as you realize they are only there for the benefits. Even if you try to talk to them about it, they won’t stop. They will only stop being your friends if they realize they can’t use you anymore.
How Does A Narcissist React When They Can’t Use You?
When they realize they can’t use or can no longer use you, they try to act like they are changing, to see if they can get back into your life. If they can’t succeed, this will crush their ego and get them angry that they don’t have that hold over you. It will feel like a loss to them because they can no longer feed on you.
How Do You Know Someone Is Taking Advantage Of You
1. They request things at your inconvenient
They ask you to do things for them even when it’s clear that you don’t want to. All they care about is that you do it for them.
2. They only call you when they need you
It is only when they want something from you that they will remember to contact you. You might be a booty call or a bank for them. As long as they know if they call, you will always answer.
3. They are always busy when you need them
When you need them, they are never there. Instead, they will come up with silly excuses why they can’t be of help to you.
4. They are always asking for favors
They are always asking for something now and then. No matter what you have done, it looks like it is never enough.
5. They are only sweet when they need you
They are hot and cold. They are usually nice when they want to make a request. And after getting what they want, they return to their meanness.
Is It My Fault Others Use Me?
Well, it is not your fault that people are using you. Although they might be things that you do that make you an easy target for users, it’s not your fault. They are people out there who enjoy manipulating others, and should be a reason you have to learn not to do things for people against your own will. If you don’t feel like doing it, then don’t.
No one would want anyone to use them. However, in our world today, we need to find out how to deal with people who use you at one point or the other. Most times, manipulators are the people we get closer to quickly because they are always sweet at first. This is why you should set your eyes out whenever you meet someone new, either in a work environment or in a relationship. If you notice it is a one-sided relationship and give more than you receive, your time to back out or stop is now.
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