On Instagram the other day, I stumbled upon a post of a girl wailing, saying ‘my boyfriend hates me’ and this wasn’t the first time I was seeing such. Inspired to halt the hurt, I did some research. Why should boyfriends hate their girlfriends?
Relationships can be difficult at times. If a relationship is to blossom into something beautiful for the future, then both parties have to love and respect each other.
We all have our flaws. Sometimes our emotions are triggered by the little things our partner says or does that secretly hurt us.
It is possible for your partner to say hurtful things but not actually mean them, and then you begin to ask yourself “why does my boyfriend hate me”? Well, it is a very good question considering the way and manner he has been getting on your nerves.
Hate is a very strong emotion. Now it might not be hate literally, it is just the way he expresses his thoughts and feelings that makes you think he hates you. Below we have reasons why your boyfriend may hate you; you flirt a lot with other men- therefore disrespecting him to no end, you are very domineering, he may have personal problems at work or with family.
There are many reasons why you may perceive that he hates you. Let’s find out what they are in detail, shall we?
10 REASONS WHY MY BOYFRIEND HATES ME.
1. You behave like a dominant freak
It is not bad to have principles or standards or the way you want your man to behave. But when you try to take total control of your man’s life that becomes a problem.
You can’t control his behavior, reactions, or emotions; you might not like some of his attitudes and it’s okay.
But you have to go about it in a much better way, rather than try to manipulate him to change. You always choose his clothes, buy his clothes or you select who he hangs out with and where he can hang out. He is a human being and not a puppet; you should let him do what he wants to do.
2. You tease a lot with other men
A lot of ladies are naturally open and outgoing. This is very tricky and difficult for their boyfriend to understand because men are naturally territorial.
Women who go out on dates, have long phone calls, and laugh a lot with other men sometimes make their boyfriends think they are cheating on them.
It is now up to you to explain to your boyfriend that you love him and he has nothing to be scared of.
If you don’t do that, your boyfriend might hate the way you make him feel. This will result eventually in him hating you thinking you are cheating on him.
3. He is a vicious person
Now, this is very toxic and can be physically and mentally disturbing. Abusers in relationships tend to harm their partners physically and mentally.
They don’t respect you and your feelings, use your love for them against you, and manipulate you into thinking you’re not good enough for them.
Nothing you ever do for them is enough, most people who are abusers in their relationship usually have some mental disorder like depression, bipolar disorder, narcissism, etc. If you’re in this kind of relationship you should leave or seek help for your partner.
A little bit of jealousy in a relationship is good because it shows you care. But when it results in over-thinking and fighting then it becomes irritating.
He might end up hating you because it means you do not trust him. Stop checking his phone every time it beeps, stop overthinking and crying for no reason.
Learn to trust him.
5. Personal problems/work issues
If there is an issue at the office or you’re having some sort of personal problem and these problems are not yet sorted out. This is going to affect your relationship because you might end up transferring aggression or frustration to your partner.
You don’t care to know if he has his problems or not. This makes you look selfish and inconsiderate.
6. You don’t listen or adhere to his advice
Most men will want you to trust them enough to be able to help you solve your problem. He doesn’t want you to keep running to your family and friends.
He wants to be able to advise you or counsel you. But if women stay single for a long period, they learn to solve problems on their own.
This could offend their boyfriend if he wants to help but he is ignored.
7. You always talk about your ex
Maybe your last relationship was a healthy one and for some unresolved issues or factors the relationship ended and you’ve already moved on. But you’re always speaking of your ex.
You talk about him every day and to make matters worse you even compare him to your current boyfriend. This could trigger rage in your boyfriend and he might end up hating you.
8. You don’t regard his boundaries
Respecting each other’s boundaries is very important. The fact that you guys are in a relationship does not mean there’s no privacy.
If you pass your boundaries it is likely to cause problems. He might tell you not to change the arrangements of the pictures on the wall or not to change the arrangement of his room. If you go ahead you are getting on his nerves by disobeying him.
9. He doesn’t like a particular attitude of yours
If you have a particular attitude that he doesn’t like and he has complained to you about it but you haven’t done anything about it or you refuse to accept correction then he is most likely going to hate you for it.
Maybe he complains about the way you snore loudly or the way you leave the bed scattered every morning.
If he keeps saying it and you don’t change he is most likely going to have resentful thoughts and attitudes towards you.
10. You don’t have time for him anymore
You hardly have time for him again, you don’t go out with him. When he calls you no one answers, you don’t reply to his text, don’t visit him and do some of the things you guys used to do together.
He will feel abandoned because he will feel he is no longer special. If this goes on he will hate you for neglecting him.
10 SIGNS THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND HATES YOU
1. He doesn’t care about you anymore
When you guys are on good terms he calls you regularly, takes you out on dates, and surprises you with gifts.
But recently he doesn’t call or text you anymore or take you out. It means he no longer loves you anymore
2. He blames you for everything
If he truly loves you, he won’t blame you for everything. He has been complaining bitterly about everything you do even when you’re not around, and even for his shortcomings he accuses you and blames you for both his fault and your fault.
This may leave you wondering why your boyfriend hates you so much .
3. He compares you with other women
Maybe you were once comparing him to one of your exes. And now he is doing the same thing by comparing you to other women. Believe me, he is doing this intentionally to hurt your feelings and it is because he no longer cares about you.
4. He threatens to break up with you
He threatens to break up with you after a slight misunderstanding. Sometimes even without any form of argument or misunderstanding he wants to break up with you.
He uses your love for him against you because he knows you love him too much to break up with him.
5. He doesn’t want to do things together with you
He doesn’t want to have anything to do with you again, he hates your company. He deleted or trashed all your pictures away. Trust me he isn’t in love with you anymore.
6. He doesn’t see a future with you
He doesn’t talk about the future or commit to you, anytime you bring up the future he doesn’t respond or he walks away from the conversation. He is just with you for the time being and is planning his future with someone else.
7. He doesn’t regard your accomplishments
You could find the cure to COVID-19 or win an award for the most loving human being on earth and he still wouldn’t see your value or appreciate your effort no matter how accomplished you are. It’s time to move on.
8. He keeps secrets
He is no longer as open as he used to be, he doesn’t let you see who he chats with or whenever he calls or is receiving a call he steps out of your presence. He doesn’t tell you when he is going out or who he’s going out with.
9. He flirts with other women
He starts texting, calling, or hanging out with other women you are not familiar with. He collects the contacts of other women in your presence. And when you confront him he says it is not your business.
10. He insults you in public
This is very toxic and disrespectful, he talks to you anyhow in public. He insults and embarrasses you in public not minding the kind of people around. If he does this to you in public. He hates you more than ever.
HOW TO RESPOND TO THE HATE
The best thing you can do is to communicate with him about it. If you’re a religious person you can also pray about it.
If you feel he has changed or he’s avoiding you don’t ignore him and think it will pass because it won’t. Not until you fix it. If you believe the relationship can still be saved then you should put all you got, all your energy, time, and resources towards saving it.
If however you feel the toxicity in the relationship has gone beyond what can be saved or it is no longer healthy for the both of you it is best to end the relationship.
Learn from your mistakes and shortcomings, heal from the breakup and move on.
It takes courage to accept the relationship is over and there’s nothing you can do to save it. It also takes almost the same amount of courage to save the relationship.
How do I remedy this?
When it comes to problems or issues in a relationship there is always a way out.
Some might be simple while others might be complicated but there is always a way out of every toxic, unhealthy relationship. Now here are 5 remedies to solve a hateful relationship.
1. Don’t keep records of wrongdoing
If he did something bad to you about 2-3 years back and it hurt you but he apologized to you. You claim to have forgiven him, but you bring up the incident every time you guys argue.
That is a toxic trait and you should stop it immediately. It is past and it should remain in the past, focus on the future, and don’t bring up bad memories.
2. Stop emotional blackmail
This is very bad and unhealthy and can cause resentful feelings in your partner, don’t threaten your partner at every single opportunity you get.
This is you trying to use the love they have for you against them. Statements like “if you don’t keep quiet I’m going to break up with you”. There are other ways of conveying your message aside from blackmailing them.
3. Learn not to transfer aggression
If you had a very bad day at the office or someone provoked you. Learn to calm down to explain your mood and frustration to your partner rather than for you to transfer aggression to your innocent partner.
4. Control your jealousy
Like earlier written, a little bit of jealousy is good in a relationship as it makes your partner know that you don’t want to lose him. But when you keep stalking him and overreacting over everything just because of your insecurities or because of trust issues. Learn to trust him
5. Do not compare him to your ex
This is a very serious issue and shouldn’t be treated lightly. Do not compare him to your ex. It is very hurtful.
HOW DO I STOP OBSESSING OVER SOMEONE THAT HATES ME
It is very difficult to get over someone you truly love. Especially if you were in a healthy relationship and you loved your partner.
But things take a drastic turn when the person starts having resentful behavior towards you. If you’ve tried to solve the problems but all to no avail.
So you decided to move on but you still can’t get that person out of your mind, it can be difficult but it is something you have to do to grow. Here are a few tips that can help
1. Find a distraction
Don’t stay idle or do things that you both used to do together. Find a new hobby, a new distraction. Something that will take your mind off his thoughts could be reading, watching a movie, swimming, etc.
2. Focus on self-development
After the hurtful things you’ve passed through in that relationship, it is now time to move on. What better way to move on than to develop yourself, learn new things, improve yourself physically, academically, and even socially.
3. Keep a healthy distance
Avoid anything that reminds you of him, don’t call him or text him, do not go through his social media pages or post.
If possible, block him or hide him. Just make sure you don’t get close to him offline and online.
4. Give it time
I’m sure you are familiar with the saying that time heals all wounds. Well, it is applicable in this scenario too, if you avoid him for a while with time you’ll forget about him and not care about him like you once did.
5. Speak to a therapist
Well sometimes you need a listening ear. Someone who can relate to what you are going through and offer you professional help and solutions.
TIPS ON BEING A GOOD GIRLFRIEND
Most men go through a lot to provide for their daily needs and those around them, So it is your duty as his girlfriend to be a supportive and caring partner that tries to help him out and not add to his problems. Here are some basic tips on how to be a good girlfriend.
1. Do not fight him
Don’t be his fight partner rather be his lover and friend. Be the one always in his corner, don’t complicate issues by fighting with him regularly.
2. Stand by him in through hard times
He might be going through harsh times and things may not be going so well for him. This is the time he needs you the most to encourage him and convince him that things will get better.
3. Compliment him
Even when he is wearing shorts and a sleeveless shirt, learn to compliment him, remind him how cute he is.
4. Don’t overthink
Do not let jealousy make you start overthinking and causing unnecessary drama, especially if you’re not sure of what you saw or what you heard.
5. Don’t demand what you know he cannot give
Don’t tell him to give you the moon, or he should get you a diamond set of jewelry when you know he can’t afford it. Or you want two cars when you know he can only provide one.
Some additional tips are:
- Don’t judge
- Listen to him
- Push him to achieve his goals
- Discuss and communicate
- Be his best friend.
Having someone who you truly love, adore, and care for turn their back on you. Then begin to hate and treat you worthlessly, is very painful and can be disturbing.
It can affect your mental health but do not let a little misunderstanding compel you to start asking yourself why my boyfriend hates me.
Make sure you must have seen some of the signs listed above before concluding on such issues. And if you notice any change make sure you try to resolve it before deciding on what to do.