You are a newly married bride whose husband had an ex-wife before you. She seems to be causing lots of problems for you and your hubby can’t help but defend her. The main reasons your husband defends his ex-wife are his connection with the children he had with her, his kind-heartedness and respect for her.
25 Reasons Your Husband Can’t Help But Defend His Ex-wife
1. Offsprings connection:
When you share kids with someone, you share a never-ending bond with that person. It is especially critical that these two are affable for the children’s sake. So, for this reason, he always has to see her positively and try to come to side her just so that peace can prevail.
2. He loathes arguments:
Having a husband who still works or shares mutual friends with his ex-wife may be difficult to handle, especially when he doesn’t like disagreements. So he will constantly be behind her, especially if their past affair ended mutually.
3. He still has some feelings for her:
This could also be the mighty cloud hanging around the room; you do not want to bring it down. If your husband still has unresolved feelings for his former wife, he can’t help but defend her even when she is in the wrong.
4. He is just naturally kindhearted:
If you have a husband with a kind and loving heart, he may not want to talk negatively about his ex. No matter what she did to him, he may have pardoned her and sees zero reasons to badmouth her.
If your hubby’s previous wife has a meek and submissive nature might create a problem. Her submissiveness might be why he finds it challenging to desist from defending her. So you may not have a problem. It may just be his nature.
It’s believed that women tend to overreact. So it might just be you overreacting, and your hubby may not even be defending his so-called ex. So it is up to you to quit overreacting before ruining your marriage with your hands.
7. He is just her friend:
The fact that they are no longer married does not simply mean they have to be enemies. If he is still friends with her, let him explain why, and try to understand his feelings, especially if you know he truly loves you.
8. You were negatively talking about her:
If how you speak about her is rude or negative or you spread falsehood about his previous wife, he has a right to defend his ex-wife and try to make you see the truth.
9. He still respects her parents:
When your hubby still has a relationship with his ex’s parents, especially when he sees them as his parents, he can’t just help but defend her in a bid not to hurt her parents’ feelings.
When your other half is very honest, he can’t help himself. He must come to the defense of his ex, especially when he knows what you are saying about her are wrong.
11. He doesn’t want drama:
If you see your husband frequently and you both attend the same events and go to the same places, your husband may be trying to defend her to avoid the outbreak of anything that will cause drama, so if you trust your husband, you should be able to have more faith in him.
12. His instincts:
Defending her may be something he is used to already, so when it feels like he is defending her where you are, you have to point it out to him because your hubby may be unaware he is defending her.
13. He is trying to be balanced:
Looking for balance in his life is another reason he can’t seem to stop defending her. He loves you unconditionally, no doubt, but he still has much respect for his ex-wife and has found balance with her. So he may be looking for a way to balance both worlds.
14 He is just not over her:
Not being completely over her does not suggest he still loves her. She may have been a large part of his life since childhood or something, and the bond may take a long time to get over, even if they are no longer talking to each other.
If the whole ex thing is new, your husband is confused and trying to juggle his ex-wife, his children and, on top of it, child support. He may be craving help to understand this new balance of things.
16. He can’t set boundaries:
His forte may not be knowing how to draw a mark and stick to it. Suppose he is still talking to his first wife more than you or defending her more than necessary, then he must learn to set clear-cut boundaries between them.
17. He is not committed to you:
This might be a tough pill to swallow, but your husband may be defending his ex-wife because he is not fully committed to you, so he can’t help but defend her.
18. You never complained:
As a new bride, you might have been walking on eggshells around, and you never saw anything wrong with him hanging out or defending his ex-wife before, so now he is used to it and does not even realize that he is hurting you.
19. She still talks with his parents:
When his parents still love and see her as their daughter, he may strive not to break the bond she shares with them. He might find it hard to stop talking to her or defending her.
20. She is very rich:
Your husband’s previous lover might be very rich, or they both still share some joint business interests, and he just can’t pull out because pulling out will hurt him more, so he may be defending her to avoid problems in their joint interests.
21. The bond is strong:
Imagine they were married for a long time, and they share kids with mutual friends, and some of his family still see her as one of them. He just can’t help but defend such a person even if they are no longer together.
22. He still thinks she is always right:
Their time together may have conditioned him into thinking she is always right, and defending her comes naturally to him. So stopping that habit might take a little bit of time.
23. He feels you hate her:
When Your hubby feels that you hate his ex and you are just begrudging her for no reason, he sees no reason why he shouldn’t have to defend her from your hate.
24. He still cares for her:
Spending some crucial years with someone is no joke, so just because the two of you are no longer together does not mean all the caring stops. So if your hubby is defending his ex, he still cares a lot about her.
25. He is still protective of her:
His ex might be remarkably fragile, and he is still very much protective of her, so when he supports her, he is just trying to protect her mental state and fragility.
Can’t Believe My Husband Still Defends His Ex-wife After We’ve Been Married For Years
If your hubby and his previous wife share a strong bond and that bond is still strong even though they are no longer together, you have to get used to him upholding her feelings, especially when you are being rude or intentionally mean to her. If they share kids, he also needs to defend her for the sake of their kids.
My Husband Defended His Ex-wife After She Insulted My Children On Phone
If your husband defends his ex-wife after she insulted you, then there is a problem, especially if you know you did nothing wrong. It simply means he still loves her or he is still seeing her, especially if she had to bring your children into it.
You have to give him an ultimatum and tell him to take a stand on who he wants more, his family or ex-wife.
But if, on the other hand, you started the fight by overreacting or by going to confront her first, or you insulted her kids too, then your hubby is doing nothing wrong in defending his ex.
I Feel Bad When My Husband Defends His Ex-wife Even When He Knows She Is Wrong
It is normal for you to feel jealous or bad when your husband defends his ex, especially when you both know she is wrong.
But you have to understand that there are kids involved and feelings are also there, so you have to tread carefully so as not to push your husband into her arms and try to resolve things amicably with him to avoid further confusion.
He Defends His Ex-wife; Does It Mean He Is Cheating With Her?
Women are prone to overreact or act irrationally due to jealousy, and when your husband starts to side with his ex, your head may start to tell things like he must be cheating, which is why he keeps defending her.
But your hubby may not even be cheating or contemplating cheating. He may have respect and an understanding for her, which makes him defend her at will.
My Husband Defends His Ex-wife Because He Still Has Feelings For Her
Defending an ex does not automatically translate to feelings. He may just be defending her to avoid or compound problems. And even if he has feelings for her, they might not be romantic feelings. He was with her for a long time, and those feelings did not just disappear.
My Husband Defends His Ex-wife; Does He Love Her More Than Me?
If your husband is defending his ex-wife, it does not mean he no longer loves you or loves her more than you. It just means that he knows that, most times, what you are doing is wrong.
His Ex-wife And Children Are All He Cares About
When a man cares for his children or spends a lot of time with them when no longer married to their mother, it does not mean he only cares about them. And the reason you might feel like he cares about the ex-wife is that they have kids together.
In other words, for him to see his kids, he has to see their mother, or the children might tell him about their mother, so when it seems like he cares about the ex-wife, you have to remember that he cares more for his kids.
Is It Normal For Husbands To Be Defensive When They Are With Their Ex-wife?
Yes, it is normal for your hubby to get defensive where his ex is concerned, especially if they share an understanding and have kids whose feelings he has to consider.
What Should I Do Now That My Husband Is Still Defending His Ex-wife?
1. Stop Overreacting:
When your hubby is defending your ex or any woman, you may have this urge to overreact, but you need to learn to control yourself.
2. Speak at the right time:
Time is also your friend regarding this issue. So, do not try to point out these obvious flaws in front of his ex. Make sure that you pick the best time to confront him.
3. Talk to him:
Ensure you tell him how his actions make you feel as quickly as possible to suppress your feelings.
4. Allow a different view:
Try to look at things from a different perspective, put yourself in your husband’s shoes and try to understand why he keeps defending his ex-wife.
5. Understand your hubby:
Understanding your husband is one thing you can do when he is defending his ex-wife.
7. Let him know you are worried:
Make him aware of your concern and how his behavior makes you jealous.
7. Be honest:
You need to observe how he defends this woman. If your hubby is fair and just when defending this woman, you should try to see his perspective.
8. Put yourself in her shoes:
You need to understand his relationship with his ex, especially if the ex is the mother of his kids.
9. Listen to your hubby:
Listen carefully to him. You may be able to understand the reason why he keeps defending his ex-wife.
10. Ask him the tough questions:
Ask him outrightly if he has feelings for her and if that is why he keeps defending her. You can ask him why he never defends you the way he defends her, and tell him you also need him to show you support.
11. Seek professional help:
Seeking professional help is another thing you can do. When your husband can’t stop defending his ex, a therapist might be able to help you both out.
Defending your ex does not suggest that you have feelings for them, nor does it mean you love them more than your other half. It just means that you respect them, are both still affable, and won’t want to see them hurt.