When you date a man with low self-esteem he is likely to be insecure in a relationship. Many times men are not seen as the insecure ones but they are many men that are just trying to hide it in other ways.
When he is always seeking reassurance, wants you to always tell him you won’t leave him, always feels he is not good enough for you, or feels he is not looking good then, he is showing signs of an insecure man.
Men who have low self-worth tend to have common traits when they are in a relationship and we will discuss them below.
30 Signs of an insecure man
1. Thinks you still have feelings for your ex
To an insecure man, no one can love him for real. So if he knows your ex, he will always think that’s the person you love.
2. Needs constant reassurance
He is always seeking validation. If you always have to tell this man how much you love him, and that you won’t leave him then he is showing signs of an insecure man.
3. Overly jealous
He is so jealous especially when you are around guys he thinks everybody you are with will take you from him.
4. Talks about his exes
An insecure person thinks nobody ever loved him, so he will tell you how badly his exes treated him, they might be true but that’s a sign he still feels you will do the same to him.
5. Stalks you on social media
He is on your social media constantly checking your new friend list and comment sections.
6. Not confident about his appearance
He never thinks he is looking good enough. Even when you tell them he is, you will notice you have to say it several times before he will act as he believes.
7. Does not want to hear about your exes
Talking about your exes pisses him off because to him as long as you are still talking about them you must still have feelings for them.
8. Controlling
When a man has low self-esteem, he tries to hide it by exhibiting ‘controlling behavior’, thinking that he can gain his respect as a man this way. So if your man is insecure you will notice he is always wanting you to do things his way because he thinks this is the way to boost his ego as a man. Even when you respect him he feels you don’t, and that’s why he turns to control you.
9. Threatens to break up
Does he always tell you he is going to break up with you even when you have not done something that warrants that? That’s a sign of an insecure man. He threatens you with a breakup to see if you will chase him back because he feels you might not even love him. So he uses that to know how devoted you are to yourself.
10. Tries to keep you with gifts and money
He thinks he does not have the physical attributes to make you stay with him. So he will buy gifts and spend on you extravagantly as a way to keep you with him
12. Always accusing you of cheating
He thinks you are always unfaithful. He reads meaning to everything. If you go out with a friend, you are going to spend hours explaining to him that you are just friends with the person.
13. Tells you he is not good enough for you
At times, this man will start to act moody, and when you ask him what’s wrong he will tell you it feels you deserve better. Those are signs of an insecure man. He will also think he is not financially buoyant to be your boyfriend
14. Clingy
He barely goes out, he always wants to spend the time being with you, talking to you and text you all the time. Even when you are texting he wants fast replies.
15. Says he ‘loves you’ too soon
He just met him and you barely know him, he will start to tell you how much he loves you. That’s a red flag and also a sign that he is quickly trying to use love to tie you down because he feels he is not qualified in other areas.
16. No outside friends
Other than you this guy barely has friends. Even the ones that he has he always has something bad to say about them.
17. Exaggerates the truth
He is trying to brag about himself. Maybe he has an achievement. He will tell you the truth but he will exaggerate it to make him look cool.
18. Angry when you don’t compliment him
If he is dressed up or posting a picture he is always angry when you don’t say something nice about it. He takes your silence like you don’t see him as cute. Due to this he might even take the picture down.
19. Plays mind games
He is always doing things for others texting your loyalty or devotion. He might even go as far as texting you with a fake social media account and see if you say you are single or fall for the fake guy.
20. Always plays victim
He is always trying to get your sympathy. He tells you, he has been through a lot just to arouse pity.
21. Agrees with you easily
He is scared to argue with you. Because to him what if I don’t agree with her and she gets upset then leaves me?
22. Always looking for ways to pick up issues
If you are dating an insecure man this is how you will know. Your relationship is full of drama. You always have to explain yourself.
23. Often times he wants to know who you talking to on the phone
You are texting someone or with someone on the phone, he wants to know who that was. And if the call was so friendly he thinks that person must be better than him, that is why you enjoyed talking with them so much.
24. Criticising you always
He will always say something bad about something you do. Do this man you can never do anything right. He wants to blame his actions on your attitude.
25. Lies to you
He tells you things just to feel cool. He can lie about cool things that he has done because he feels that’s the only way you will stick with him.
26. He always has something bad to say about his friends
When he is home he is complaining about the things his friend said to him. For instance, if maybe they had just a normal guy talk about him not being tall, he would come home and feel bad about that all day.
27. Shies away from sex
He thinks his sexual skills are not good enough, he feels he does not have the right size to please you so he will always try to avoid sex with you. Even when he does you will be able to sense the insecurity.
28. Sees your ex as a competition
Your ex is a competition. Don’t try telling him about something cool your ex did it’s going to ruin his mood
29. Thinks you want out of the relationship
He thinks you are tired of him and you want out of the relationship. He will tell you this sadly and also out of anger often.
30. He wants your social media password
If a man needs your Facebook password and to all your social media accounts those are signs of an insecure man.
Why a man becomes insecure
1. Experience while growing up
If a man had a traumatic past like the one where even his mother leaves his father when things went rough or to other men, that man might develop insecurity in a relationship. He is going to feel like the same that happened to his father will happen to him.
2. Low self-esteem
Low self-esteem is when someone lacks confidence in themselves. So even if you love it so much he does not believe himself so he can’t think anyone would.
3. Lack of trust
When there is no trust in a relationship it can make a man feel insecure. He does not trust your loyalty or your devotion.
4. You act like he is not enough
You constantly make him feel inadequate like he is not doing enough for you. It might be you do not appreciate his efforts enough, you just always are not satisfied with the things he does for you. This will definitely make him start feeling insecure and small and inadvertently make him scared that you will leave him one day when he absolutely loves you.
5. Depression
Mental illnesses like depression can make people sad and feel like no one loves them. Someone that’s suffering from depression is likely to have insecurity issues.
6. Past relationship
Maybe the man is used to women leaving and he will feel like you will do the same.
7. Uncertainty
Sometimes we are in a relationship with people that we don’t think of love as we love them. If your man is unsure of your love he won’t feel secure in a relationship with you.
8. Life struggles
For instance, if a man loses his job, he will start to doubt that his woman will stick with him. When a man is going through life struggles it can make him doubt his relationship.
9. Dealing with loss
When we lose people we love, a lot of things happen to us. You man might become extra protective because he is afraid of losing you too.
10. Lack of communication
Communication is very important to a relationship. When there is no communication, it will build a lack of trust and doubt.
How to do deal with an insecure boyfriend
1. Always reassure him that you will never leave
That’s what an insecure boyfriend likes to hear without having to ask for it. Always remind him how much he means to you.
2. Try to find if there is a reason for his insecurity
Discuss his past, try to find out what might have caused his insecurities, and see how you can help him sort it out.
3. Limit your hanging out with male friends
If you have a lot of male friends, you have to limit found out with them, to avoid their suspicious
4. Always respond to his text and calls fast
This kind of man likes fast replies and always does that. Do not give him room to start having unnecessary thought that will cause some sort of argument or rift between you too.
5. Be transparent
For instance, if you just finished making a call, always be the first to tell him who called. Always be accountable
6. Ask him to communicate
Communication is a key. Always tell him to talk to you when he is having doubts.
Is it okay to be insecure?
No, it’s not. If you are insecure its shows that you lack self-confidence. You don’t think you are good enough for one. Though insecurities are in different areas; everyone has his insecurity. You have to spot it and look for how you can control it and don’t allow it to rule over you.
What are men’s biggest insecurity
1. Finance
For many men, this is their biggest challenge. They feel the only way you can be important in this life is when you are rich and women don’t like poor men. But who actually loves poverty?
2. Job
Getting a job and also getting a good one. Men feel a good job boosts your Ego. Like they say, ‘money is power’ and men and power are like 5 & 6.
3. Physical features
You might think only women are obsessed with the perfect body, men are too. A man who does not have a perfect body when feeling insecure. Another thing that men are also very insecure about is their size down there.
4. Sexual performance
Men are concerned about this even after sex they are always worried if they can’t satisfy their woman.
5. Intelligence and confidence
Does she think I am smart enough or does she think I am confident? Do questions always go through a mama’s mind?
Is being Insecure a red flag in a relationship
Insecurity on its own it’s not a red flag. But when you are with an insecure partner it will gradually develop into a controlling relationship where they want you to do everything to solve their insecurities. That’s a red flag that can make a relationship toxic.
Pros and cons of an insecure man in a relationship
Apart from the fact that he will give you 24/7 attention, there are no pros to being with an insecure man.
However, being insecure has a lot of cons like constant drama, controlling relationships, always having to explain, always apologizing, and relationships where you want to have your own space.
8 Signs of a controlling boyfriend
1. Isolate you from your friends and family
He never lets you go out. If you are hanging out with friends or family he is never happy about it.
2. Thinks he is always right
He is never wrong; he thinks everything he does or says is the final and the right way.
3. Gives you no privacy
He snoops into your life and he is always stalking you.
4. Always doubting you
Regularly he accuses of cheating or being unfaithful. You have always had to explain yourself to him.
5. You are always apologising
A controlling boyfriend will always find fault and criticize you and to stay with him you have to agree that he is right and always apologize
6. Overly jealous
He never wants to see you around guys or text guys even when you tell him they are just your friends.
7. Shifts blame
He never accepts his faults, instead he shifts them to you.
8. You lose freedom
If you are dating a controlling boyfriend, you will notice you are always with him and no longer have time for yourself.
Ways to make their insecurity go away
1. Find a solution to their insecurity
As we earlier said, insecurities are different. It could be because of different reasons. Maybe this might be mental, past trauma, even things you do, or financial ever it may see how you can get him help.
2. Don’t give them a reason to doubt
You know the things that he does not want you to do, you have to stop doing them if you want to make his doubts go away. Though it means you can’t live your own life, but if you think it’s worth it, why not.
Insecurities are not always a serious relationship problem; everyone has insecurities. Only when not handled properly can it turn into a problem. When you notice the signs, try to talk to them about it and suggest solutions to it. But if it does not want to, then it’s time to quit.
I hope this was a helpful read, do give us your feedback!
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