How to slow down a relationship without ruining it- is your souse going too fast for you? Although, being in a new relationship can make you feel like you should get married in a few days.
This intensity that comes with a new relationship, can result in you making bad decisions and making your relationship end up badly. For that not to happen, you might be thinking of pulling the brakes but you fear it might ruin everything. So how do you slow a relationship down without causing harm?
If you want to know how to slow down a relationship, the first step to take is to be honest with your partner. Allow them to know things are going too fast; if you do it without notifying them, they might start to think you are pushing them away. After making it clear to them, you can try to follow the various steps that are listed below.
20 ways on how to slow a relationship without causing harm
1. Be honest
If you feel your relationship is moving too fast, maybe because you are already making plans with someone you barely know anything about, or might have even slept with them on the first day, the first move to take is to talk to your partner. Make them understand that things are going too fast between you. Say it calmly.
Don’t make them feel you are trying to end things by asking for space. If possible, tell them it’s you that’s rushing things and not them.
2. Avoid sleepovers
Wondering how to slow down a relationship? Avoiding sleepovers can be very effective in pulling the brakes. You just met this person, started a relationship with them, slept there, and even moved some of your stuff there. This might end up badly because you barely even know them.
When that intense feeling of falling in love starts to subside, you would start to notice things that would cause your relationship trouble, so avoiding sleepovers, for now, is the best thing to do.
3. Hang out in a group
If you want to know how to slow down a relationship, this can be a very smart way to do it. You can go out but with other of your friends. That way you can have time to talk to other people, while you are still seeing them. This can give both of you enough time, to learn about each other.
4. Do not ignore them
You might be thinking ignoring them might be a fast way to pull a break on things. That might work, but it is going to ruin your relationship. So, you have to talk to them, even if it’s a limited time, you have to make them feel wanted.
5. Don’t see other people
Don’t think of starting a new relationship. You are in love with your partner. They might be clingy or things went too fast. That’s something you can fix by going out to see someone, you might end up ruining your relationship.
6. Limit how often you see
Though this might be very hard for your partner, if you want to slow things down, you have to do this. Talk to them about seeing them a few times.
7. Enjoy your time together
Giving space can make things start to become awkward between you too. So you have to be careful for that not to happen. When you meet, even if it’s a few times, make it worth it. Enjoy the minute you are together like nothing has changed.
8. Spend less time together
Space can make you crave each other more. And when you see them you would want to spend more time together. You have to resist that urge, if you used to spend the day and the night there, you should reduce it to just spending the day for now.
9. Reduce texting and calls
Reduce how often you call and text each other. Even when you text, reduce how fast you respond. This will give you time to focus on your own life.
10. Devote time to your personal life
You have to focus on your life outside the relationship. This will help both of you to achieve more. Do things you find fun, and work on yourself. Invest in yourself. If your relationship has made you make some sacrifices at a very early stage, take the time to focus on your own needs.
11. Hang out more with friends
Going out with friends is also another way to slow down a relationship. This acts as a distraction that even when you miss each other hanging out with friends helps to buy time for the next time you see or talk.
12. Avoid making too many plans for the future
At the early stage of a relationship, making so many plans for the future does not even give you time to properly think things through. So put a hold on all of that for now, and take things step by step.
13. Limit expectations
Making plans and expecting to get married to someone you just met can end up hurting you. In the beginning, let things flow naturally. Don’t fantasize about a fairy tale ending, when it just started.
14. Set boundaries
Learn to say no to things if you feel like it. Are they asking for you to help them with something, or to make compromises for them, and you think it is not okay? You have everything to say no. Setting boundaries can help your relationship in the long run.
15. Face your fears
Giving your relationship a little break can be scary for you and your partner. If you prepare yourself to face the fear you will be able to get through the period of slowing things down.
16. Monitor your progress
See how well you are going with pulling brakes in your relationship. Space can make you find out a lot of things about your relationship. You have to take note of everything, why both of you are spending time apart.
17. Don’t push your partner away
Don’t make it seem like you are pushing them away, you don’t want to ruin everything. Do it with caution and always remind them that you love and miss them. You just have to take the time to understand yourself better and explain to them how it will benefit your relationship in the long run.
18. Reduce physical intimacy
If you want to know how to slow down a relationship, this can be the perfect thing to do, especially if you started having sex right from the first date. You have to reduce how often you have sex, so you can discern if the relationship is built on love or lust.
19. Reduce seeing the family or friends
Have you already met their family and friends and you were introduced as their partner, but you have not even know yourself better? You have to take some time off from seeing them, to avoid putting unnecessary pressure on yourself.
20. Build Trust
Trust is something that is developed over time and a relationship moving at so much speed, would not allow you to have the time to build trust. At a time like this, you won’t even care because you love them and feel like you have known them all your life. It’s advisable to take time to learn about each other. Building trust can sustain your relationship in the long run.
How to tell your partner you want to slow down the relationship
1. Understand what/how you feel
Before you go into the conversation, make sure you know what you feel. Take time to study what makes you feel uncomfortable, and what makes you feel the relationship is moving too fast. So as not to sound confused, when you talk with your partner.
2. State your point calmly
Maybe the relationship might have made you lose yourself. This can make you want to state your point in anger. But don’t do that. State your point calmly, don’t raise your voice.
3. Empathise with your partner
Saying you want to slow down things, might not go well with your partner. They might think you are trying to cut them off or might think things are going well with you guys. You have to make them understand that you don’t want to end things; understand how they feel and you feel the same way too.
But taking things slowly is best for both of you. Listen to what they have to say, ask them to make suggestions, and tell them how much you love them.
Why do people usually want to slow down a relationship?
People slow down relationships, when they feel It’s moving too fast. For instance, you just started dating someone you are already planning to marry, you are always together.You ignore your needs and your friends, and you don’t have boundaries.
Though in rare cases, this type of relationship ends well, most times, just like a car moving at high speed it’s going to crash. So to avoid that from happening, people slow down relationships to focus on themselves, have time for their own needs and spend time to know their partner more.
What does it mean for your relationship to move too fast
When someone says your relationship is moving too fast it means:
1. You don’t give each other enough space
You just started dating and you see each other daily, You are always texting and always talking on the phone.
2. You have already met each other’s parents
You have gone to see their parents when you barely even know anything about each other.
3. Already you trust them
It feels like you have known them all your life, you feel like you can tell them everything, and you have only known them for just a few weeks
4. Not a lot of sex
You are having a lot of sex right from your first date.
5. Thinking about moving together
You are already talking about moving together, already planning to have kids, and getting married
6. You are losing yourself
You don’t have your own life anymore, you don’t talk with your friends, all you do is spend time with each other.
7. Can’t make decisions on your own
You can’t make decisions without them. You are already acting like you are married when you barely even know them.
How to be more affectionate In a relationship
1. Go on dates
Maybe you have been too busy or might think there is no need for dates. As couples, you should go on romantic dates often. This helps light up the spark like it was when you just met.
2. Surprise them
Give them thoughtful gifts. Flowers are not old school, give them flowers. just do things that they don’t expect. They are going to love it.
3. Tell them you love them
This usually affects long-term relationships and marriages. When you have spent a lot of time together, you feel there is no need to say “l love you” or forget to say it. The power of those three magic words can not be underestimated. When said at the right time, can give your partner that unexplained sweet feeling.
4. Listen to them
A listening ear is a show of affection to your partner. When you always give them that attention, it shows you love them.
5. Support them
When your partner feels like whatever they do or face you are always going to be there for them, it makes them feel loved. So, one way you can show affection is to try to always be there for them, and make sure they can always lean on you.
6. Remember little details
When you remember things that seem irrelevant it can make your partner feel so special. So when they tell you things, always pay attention. One day just throw it in the conversation, they are going to feel so special. Like wow, you remember that?
7. Do something nice for them
You can do something nice like sending them a love text, singing them a love song or their favorite song, or giving them breakfast in bed. Just look for nice creative things you can do for them.
8. Kiss them
Don’t hold back physical intimacy. Especially kissing them, and playing with them. Your partner wants to feel wanted. Kiss them even in public if they are comfortable with it.
9. Show appreciation
Saying “Thank you” is a very simple way of showing affection. Thank them for something they do even when it’s little. Thank them for being in your life. This will make them feel special.
10. Compliment them
Whenever they are dressed, be the first to say something nice about it. Don’t hold back compliments. Your partners like it when you compliment them, it helps to boost their self-confidence.
Red flags in a relationship
Abuse of any kind is a major red flag in a relationship. If your partner verbally, emotionally, or physically abuses you, get out of that relationship as early as you can.
They push blame and make everything feel like you are ruining the relationship. They do it in such a way that you start to believe that it’s true or don’t even know what to believe anymore. Making you feel like you are crazy. This is a major relationship red flag.
3. Moving too fast
This is also called love bombing; it’s a manipulation tool where your partner makes everything move so fast, without giving you time to think about it. This is one of the methods used especially by internet fraudsters. They give you so much love and start to use without giving you the space to think everything through.
4. Lack of communication
Not being allowed to speak or not being heard in a relationship, is a sign of an unhealthy relationship.
5. No respect
If your opinions, values, etc are not respected, then you should not be in such a relationship.
Too much jealousy is a sign of possessiveness and that is a major red flag in a relationship. Your partner won’t allow you to see anyone. They give you no privacy.
7. Controlling Behaviour
A controlling partner would treat you like a child. They would want to decide everything for you and also want everything to be in their favor. This is a form of abuse and should not be condoned.
How to tell if your partner still loves you
1. Supports you
If your partner is always there for you even when you have issues, they still care for you and are always there when you need them, then they still love you.
2. Respects you
Respect is one way you can define true love. When you love somebody, you would not undermine their values or their goal.
3. Listens to you
Why would you bother listening to someone you don’t love? If your partner still gives you a listening ear, they do love you. Someone who doesn’t love you would not voice your opinion.
4. Seeks your advice
If they come to you for advice before they make decisions, it’s a sign that they still love you. To them, your opinion counts and they know you wish them good. So they always come to you when they need someone to talk to.
5. Make sacrifices for you
This is one major way you can know they still love. If they make compromises for you, go out of their way to put a smile on your face.
Do relationships that start fast end fast?
Well, most of the time, yes. But sometimes it can even lead to marriage. One reason why relationships that start fast may end fast is that you don’t know each other. When you get to know each other, you might start to see things that you can’t handle, and this gradually makes you lose interest.
When to call it quits in a relationship
If there is no longer an emotional connection in your relationship, if there is an abuse of any kind, no trust, if you or both of you no longer see the need to put effort into the relationship, your goals no longer align, then you should call it quits.
Before taking a break in a relationship, or deciding to take things slow, you should put it in the back of your mind that you two need space. Space will make you realise some things you didn’t even notice. But It’s better to allow things to happen step by step, it’s better to date milestones step by step. Moving too fast is a relationship red flag.