Take a look at this scenario: You are in a relationship with a guy that you love so much and can do anything for, but lately, you have come to realize that he somehow possesses some traits of a selfish man. You are not sure yet and don’t want to fling yourself to a fallacious conclusion.
One of the traits of a selfish man is that he expects you to always be there for him, but he is never there for you. Instead, he comes up with silly reasons why he can’t support you.
Selfishness is when a person is extremely concentrated on their advantage or well-being, without regard to others. Below are some traits of a selfish man.
25 Traits of a selfish man
1. When you are at fault, he is unforgiving:
A self-centered man is the type of man that would expect you to always do certain things that favor them. For instance, you are expected to always check up on each other as romantic partners. But for him, it is always about him. He doesn’t care to call to check up on you but if you don’t call, he is always angry.
2. He keeps a record of all the nice things he does for you:
He will keep a record of everything he does for you. As your man, he is supposed to do things out of love, which enshrines his responsibility status. But instead, he keeps keeping records. So, when he needs you to do something nice for him, he is going to remind you of all the things he has been doing for you.
3. Conditional love:
One thing that defines true love is its unconditional nature. If you have the feeling your partner is dating you with terms, rules, or based on the things he’ll benefit from you, he has some traits of a selfish man.
4. They never ask any questions about you:
Your partner is supposed to be inquisitive about everything that happens in your life.
One way to know an egocentric man is that he won’t bother to ask any questions about you. He won’t ask how your day was, even when you are sick, he will show less concern.
5. They use manipulation to get what they want:
They can manipulate you to do anything for them. It does not matter if you want to or not. A selfish person does not care.
6. Lack of empathy:
They always put themselves first. Because they will never think of putting themselves in your shoes. No matter the situation, he is going to put himself first.
7. They have a fragile ego:
He might be the type of man with a very huge ego because he thinks he is better than everyone else. But that ego is very fragile; he will never accept corrections or criticism.
8. They don’t share:
This is another major trait of a selfish man. He would never share his time or resources with you. No matter how much you might be in need, he is going to feel like it’s not even enough for him, let alone sharing it with someone.
9. He only talks about himself:
He would only care about talking about how his day was, or about events that happened to him during the day. Even when he tells you to talk about yours, you would notice he is not even paying any attention.
10. He is unwilling to go out of his way for you:
One thing that makes a relationship true is when you can make sacrifices for each other. If your man does not go out of his way for you, then he is showing some traits of a selfish man.
11. He does not pay attention to you:
Not paying attention is also a trait of a selfish man. Even when you guys talk about issues that concern you, if you ask him the next day, he won’t remember a thing you said.
12. He is selfish in bed:
In bed, he is going to be concerned about his satisfaction. He does not care to put you in the mood or give you enough pleasure. If he is satisfied, then the sex is over. He doesn’t make any effort to satisfy you in bed.
13. He has very few friends:
Selfish people always have few friends, because no one would be willing to be friends with someone, who only puts themself first.
14. They have a sense of entitlement:
He is always bittered about how others didn’t come through for him, at times when he needed them. He won’t try to put himself in their shoes to understand that they might be having their problems too. His ego makes him feel entitled; he thinks he is more important than everyone else.
15. His family and friends have the same experience:
Sometimes, people can become self-centered when they are upset about something. But if you try talking to his family or friends and see that they have similar experiences, then he is truly egocentric.
16. He uses the word “I” a lot instead of “WE”:
As a couple, your partner is supposed to think of a future with you or make plans for both of you. If he is the type of man that uses “I will do that” instead of “We will do,” then is showing traits of a selfish man.
17. He is rarely remorseful:
If he is selfish, he won’t feel bad when he disappoints or hurts you. He would rather be angry: that you are not concerned about what made him disappoint or hurt you.
18. Self-centered personality:
One way to identify an egomaniac is their self-centered nature. He won’t care if he harms you or other people, to get what he wants.
19. They will not show you their weak side:
A selfish person is mostly prideful, and won’t show you their weak spot. Instead, he will spend the time to know you and how vulnerable you are. He’ll do this so that he can use it to his advantage while you are oblivious of his weaknesses.
20. They are users:
The fact that all they care for is themselves, they can devise any means to use you. Either financially or emotionally, he is going to drain you for himself.
21. He contradicts himself:
He is going to tell you that he is a giver and that he can go out of his way for others, and he will begin to call the names of people he has helped.
When you start to get to know him, you would never get to see that part of him.
22. They don’t seem to be living in the real world:
He is concerned about seeing the latest shows and going out to have the best meals in his favorite restaurant. But he will never want to do the things you like. He prefers to be with his video game, even when you are around.
23. He always asks you to change:
He is always nagging about the things you ought to do. He will never accept corrections or try to change his faults.
24. You are living is life now:
He no longer allows you to hang out with your friends or live your own life. Because to him, when he wants you, to have to be there. This would have been lovely if he could do the same for you.
25. He is only nice to you when he wants something:
Well, this is one of their tricks. They will only show you so much love when they have an interior motive.
How to deal with a selfish man
Never try to justify his selfish behavior: don’t try to start making excuses for him. If you do that, you will only end up hurting yourself more in the end. If you notice he is being selfish, let him know about it.
Try to investigate the reason for his action and if he does that just to you; once you have noticed he has traits of a selfish man, you should try to investigate. Was he like this at the beginning? Did you do something to hurt him? Is he acting like this because he has been used before? Is he like this to everyone else? If you can answer these questions you will understand him and know how best to deal with him.
Don’t allow him to take advantage of you. One thing selfish men are good at is manipulation. He can get you to do things you don’t want. So you have to learn to stand your ground and think about your happiness. Don’t lose your self-respect. Hold your values, and don’t let him take you for granted
Make rules and communicate your needs
After you have spoken to him or see why he is acting that way, you have to set rules in your relationship. Make him know things you would accept and things you would not. Request for him to change.
Take a break:
Even after you have set the rules and it looks like he is not ready to abide by them, you should take a break from such a relationship.
Breakup or Divorce:
If after the break and it looks like he is not ready to change, then it’s time to quit that relationship.
Should I date a selfish man?
If you are an emotional masochist, then you can. But If you are someone that enjoys being in a healthy relationship, you should not date a selfish man.
If you are also someone who can be in a one-sided relationship, you can date a selfish man, if you wish.
Some people have learned how not to depend on anyone for their needs. If you are that kind of person, you can date a selfish man. But what’s the point of being in a relationship, where you can’t lean on each other?
What are the reasons why a man is selfish?
Sometimes selfishness is mostly caused by past experiences. A person who has been played before or used by someone they sacrificed everything for, might turn out to be selfish later on.
Another thing that causes selfishness is the fear of not having enough. They think what they have is not sufficient. So they won’t want to share with anyone for fear that they might not have enough when they need to.
A man can be selfish if he is a narcissist. The narcissistic person thinks other people exist to meet his needs. They think they are more important than others and they lack empathy
Can a selfish person love?
Yes, a selfish person can love; only if you can keep meeting their needs. Selfish people will give you things as long as they know they are going to get more than that in return.
Can you change a selfish man?
You can’t change a selfish man except he wants to be changed. So don’t try to change them, you would only allow yourself to be manipulated.
It is better to talk to them about changing, and if they don’t change, it’s advisable to preserve your sanity, by accepting the fact that they won’t change and move on.
How do you communicate with a selfish partner?
1. Always tell them how they make you feel:
The fact that it is difficult for them to feel what others feel, means you always have to communicate and explain to them how their actions are making you feel.
2. Try to see if he understands you:
It is not wrong to put yourself first. But it is wrong when it becomes too much and even when it is at the expense of others, you don’t even care as long as your needs are met. So you have to let him know that you understand his point, but he has to understand you have needs too.
3. Have a heart-to-heart discussion:
You have to talk to him and ask him what he needs from you. Then you can be able to state what you can give, and what you cannot give.
This way, if maybe they are selfish without even knowing they can try to adjust. Or change to save the relationship.
You let him know what you need for them and you also let yourself know things you can ignore and things you can’t.
How do you live with a selfish partner?
If you want to live peacefully with a selfish person, you might have to become selfish too. That’s the only way you won’t end up being used by them. You have to make them understand that, if they are putting themselves first, you would also put yourself first.
If you are the type that doesn’t expect anything from anyone, it would be easier to live with a selfish person.
You have to understand that they don’t owe you anything and they too have to understand that you don’t owe them anything.
Can selfishness ruin a relationship?
Yes, it can. If you are a selfish partner your relationship would be one-sided. You would expect your partner to do a lot for you, without you wanting to do the same for them.
That would turn your relationship into an unhealthy one. When you are selfish, it’s going to cause so much pain to your partner, which might make them end the relationship.
Is there any advantage in dating a selfish man?
Dating a selfish man has a lot of disadvantages. But there are some things you can enjoy when you date one. A selfish man is always focused on himself.
This gives you a lot of time to do your stuff. Though Most times, they would expect you to leave your own goals and join them in chasing theirs and that is something you should never do.
Can my man ever stop being selfish?
Well, he can if he wants to save your relationship. Anyone can change, but you have to talk to him about the things you want him to do. If he is willing to do it to save the relationship, he would try to stop being selfish.
The benefit of having a tender thoughtful discussion with him is that a man might be selfish without him knowing. So if you want him to change, talking to him will be the best move.
Can I help a selfish partner?
Yes, you can. When someone puts themselves above people it is not always a bad thing. It is ideal to care for yourself before anyone else.
But don’t turn into a manipulator that can do anything to get anything they want from anyone. The best way to help a selfish partner is to state things you want them to be doing.
Gradually, they are going to start to adjust and understand that they have to learn to think about other people when they carry out their actions.
Some people are selfish because of fear that if they run out of what they don’t share you won’t be there for them.
So you have to let them understand that you will always be there for them. Sometimes selfish people can begin to share when they are aware that you as a partner would always share with them too.
Is selfishness contagious in dating?
Yes, it can. When your partner is selfish and you have noticed that, it will start to trigger your selfish trait. The fact that you fear not being used, makes you start acting like them.
Most times, a selfish person might not even know, they are being selfish until you bring it to their notice.
That is why when you notice any of these traits in them, the first thing you do is try to talk to them. But you have to check yourself too. If maybe you are too needy. Sometimes we can think people are selfish because we are too reliant. So when you know it’s them, and not you, try talking to them about it, request for a change, or quit such a one-sided relationship.