Do you’ve conversations with your man and he mentions an ex once or severally? I guess it isn’t fun being in that position. Well, now the big question is why do guys bring up their ex-girlfriends when they are with you?
Guys sometimes bring up their ex because they still have feelings for them. They also might talk about their ex if they haven’t fully healed from that relationship.
In this post, you will discover the best decision to take in this situation. And you’ll also find out what it means when guys do this.
Should I be worried when a man brings up an ex during conversations?
Well, sometimes it is nothing to worry about. However, if it is making you feel uncomfortable, you should talk to him about it.
If he says it very few times, then it shouldn’t be something to really bother about. Don’t forget that his ex is part of his past. And he might speak about them without any ulterior motive.
But when this occurs frequently, then you should be worried. Does he try to stick in his ex anytime he chats with you? It might mean that he doesn’t care about what you feel.
It might also mean that he misses her. He might be telling you indirectly that she is better than you. If this is followed up with him still texting or calling her, you should confront him about it as soon as possible.
The truth is, when he keeps talking about his past affairs, it means they are not over them. So, mentioning it to you means you might be someone they are trying to use.
Why do men bring up their ex in conversations?
Occasionally, a guy talks about a former partner because he wants to know about your past. If it looks like you never talk about your former affairs, he may use this as a conversation starter to get you to open up.
However, if he dwells on how he was hurt, it suggests that he has not healed. It could also mean that he wants you not to treat him like his ex.
This “ex-intrusion” sometimes comes up involuntarily. For instance, you said something that reminded them of their past and they had to talk about it. In this case, it is only going to come a few times.
But if it comes up very often, it might be an indication that he still has feelings for her. He is not ready for a relationship or he is not interested in you.
For some guys, after dating someone who he considers the “hot cake,” they’ll talk about her to boost their ego. In this case, you are going to hear him say it like it’s some sort of achievement.
He may not be only boosting his ego, he also is telling you he has been with someone better than you. You will know this for sure if he highlights some qualities that his ex has over you. He can also be trying to compare both of you.
In this case, he would commend you for doing things the exes never did. A guy could also make references to an old flame when he is trying to compare you both.
If you have ever been hurt before, you should know how draining the experience is. Most times, men bring up the past, so they let you know their fears. He will try to tell you how he does not believe in love.
He’ll tell you that he is scared to be hurt as his ex did to him. In this situation, he wants you to reassure him.
Furthermore, just like women, men like to talk about when they have good or bad experiences. For instance, if that person has treated him so well or so badly, he may always want to share it.
They are also trying to tell you they’ve enjoyed their bit of love. And also use the opportunity to reveal that they have regrets about ending it. If this is their reason, they will tell you how they lost someone who loved them.
Well, if it’s a new relationship, it’s because he is finding it hard to let go. And he may have given that person so much love. This makes it hard for him to move on.
This might not mean he doesn’t love you enough. He needs time to get over it all. But if both parties are still in contact, that might mean he is planning on getting back to her.
In this case, he may be using you to help himself wait for his old flame to come back to him. So when he talks about her, you should notice the love in his eyes.
This man might be confused about moving on from the old to the new. So this might be his way of checking you both out. This is to avoid falling for the wrong person again.
You may hear him say things like “You are acting like her” often.
A situation like this could make you feel like you have to do more. This is because you might be tempted to do better than his former. And it could also be a technique of pulling the breaks on your new relationship.
Instead of taking the relationship forward, you’d want to give him time to get out of that zone.
Is it a good sign when a guy brings up his ex during conversations?
For men, it is out of character to speak about an old flame. This is something that women usually do. So when your man raises the topic about an ex, it could mean that there is something serious going on.
If he can’t stop talking about her, you should know it is not a good thing. You might notice that he treats you like he wants you to pay for all the sins of his ex.
You will observe he is holding back his love for you. He might give you an excuse that he is scared. He is scared so you won’t hurt him too after loving you too much.
So when he brings this up, you should confront him calmly.
Talk to him about it and see if he would gradually adjust. But if you sense that he still talks with her, maybe you should put things on hold. This is to save yourself from being used and hurt in the end.
Although it is normal and healthy to discuss your past, when it comes up too much it’s not ideal.
Is it disrespectful to bring up an ex?
Well, an honest discussion now and then is a good thing. It shows he is vulnerable enough to unfold his past. This helps you even learn more about him.
However, bringing her up and still keeping contact with her is a sign that he isn’t wholly committed. Most men know women don’t like when they talk much about their ex.
That is why even when a man feels the urge to talk, he tries to avoid it because they know women don’t like it. Some men know the threat that talking about an ex poses.
They know they might lose their woman. This is because she’ll feel he still loves her ex if he keeps talking about her.
So he will try to avoid bringing her up. And only does so when it is necessary. And if you’ve talked to him about how it makes you feel, a man that respects you would keep her out of the conversation.
Is talking about an ex while in a new relationship a red flag?
As we have discussed, in a relationship, it is normal for both parties to draw references from their past. It can help the new relationship grow even stronger.
You will learn about each other likes and dislikes. However, if they talk about them with so much hate, that means they’re not healed and that is not a good thing.
Someone who still keeps hurt from a past relationship will find it hard to trust you. And will also make you feel you have to do more. They might not even love you like you want because they would not want to let their guard down.
No one wants to be with a man who is obsessed with their past. That means you might be a tool for them.
So if your man falls under this category, it is a bad sign for your new relationship. It’s something you should talk about.
Will a man who brings up his ex be toxic to me?
This depends on the reason for bringing it up. If it is because he is still in love with the ex, he might dump you. Not just that alone, he might go back to his former partner.
The fact is, even if they are not toxic to you, this obsession will drain you. You are going to have so many emotional breakdowns. This can be worse if he makes it seems like the ex was a better person than you.
As a result of this, you would compete to be better than the ex. This would feed on your self-esteem. And might even give you sleepless nights.
If he is not ready to move on, you are going to suffer for everything the partner has done to him. All the hurt and pain would be passed to you.
You will spend the time to prove to him that you are not like the former partner. This does not sound like a happy relationship, right?
What to do when a guy brings up his ex-girlfriend constantly
The first move you should make is to approach him. Make him understand that talking about his past flame makes it look like he doesn’t love you. If he loves you enough he should respect that.
Sometimes, your insecurities paint the wrong picture for you. This is when you have to work on yourself. Stop seeing yourself as a competition and also stop being unnecessarily jealous.
Maybe he speaks about this lady a few times, but because you are jealous, it feels like it comes up frequently. You should understand that they are not enemies and he might want to say a few things about her.
When we talked about talking to him, you’ve to learn not to use the anger approach. Speak to him calmly and explain why you are not okay with the conversation.
Then the next thing you should do is observe his reactions. If he is acting defensive, that means something is going on.
It could mean he is still not over the relationship. He should be able to talk to you calmly about it.
At this point, you can do a little digging. This is to keep yourself safe. See if they are still in contact.
You can check their socials too for any info. This might help you know your next move.
One wrong move that people in this circumstance do is telling their boyfriend to cut contact with an ex. If you’ve to make them stop talking to their past partner, they will leave you for that ex or somebody else. Because you did not allow them to develop enough feelings for you to know it is time to be serious with you.
Apart from all of this, you can still examine your relationship. So you can see if there is anything you are doing that is making it hard for them to forget their past. Maybe you are posing some trait they didn’t like so you have to work on that.
After doing this, and you don’t notice any changes, you can talk to a few friends about it. You can see a therapist too.
Lastly, you have to remember to give him time. He may have got a lot of bad experiences and sometimes, he would want to talk about it. With time, he would talk less of her.
If after giving him time, he is still in contact and still talking about his ex, then that’s the time for you to move on. Because the only reason he is with you is that he needs someone to help him get over her.
Why do men take longer to get over their ex?
The thing is at the beginning stage, a woman is more likely to feel a breakup than a man. for men, the reality is likely to hit them later.
This will be compounded if it was all his fault. It’ll come up to him as a shock and that is going to live in his head for a very long time. This is when he will either realize how much he misses her or what he must have lost.
Getting a girl that would match that same energy would be difficult. Unlike women who may have to find a lot of guys ready to fill in the space, it might take the guy a long time.
And the fact that he realized late will mess up his head. At this point, he will try to get back to her.
Even when he is with a new person, he is still going to make references to her. Except this new person beats her in major ramifications.
Signs he still misses his ex
When a man still thinks about his old flame, you will notice that he might want to talk about her. Sometimes he might even sound hateful but deep down he still feels something for her.
If he is in a new relationship, you will notice him do things like comparing the both of you. When you try to bring up talks about his past, he becomes defensive like he has something to hide.
Furthermore, if he still keeps contact, and still hangs out with her, it is obvious he misses her. He might even be planning to get back to her.
When he talks about how the relationship ended, you will notice he talks with pain. The fact that he’s still hurt by it might indicate that he is not happy it ended. He probably still wishes there was a way to fix it all.
And if he still keeps her stuff around and even her pictures, then he is not ready to be over her yet.
To sum up
I believe that “Why do guys bring up their ex-girlfriends in conversations?” has been answered in the piece.
The truth is, it is normal for your man to talk about a past relationship. In fact, it is something to worry about when he does not make mention of it all.
But if it becomes too much and it is making you uncomfortable, you should mention it to him. If he values the relationship he would minimize how often it comes up.
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