Skip to Content

10 Reasons Your Boyfriend Never Initiates Sex

10 Reasons Your Boyfriend Never Initiates Sex

Is it that he is no longer in love with me? Or suddenly got tired of me? These are some of the questions that might be going through your head, the moment you realise that your boyfriend never initiates sex with you. 

If you are the only one making the first move for sex, it might be because your boyfriend’s sex drive is low, they don’t love you anymore or might be going through life challenges that make them not always in the mood for sex.

Here are some possible reasons why your boyfriend never initiates sex.


10 reasons your boyfriend never initiates sex

1. Stress

A guy can be going through many life struggles that he may not talk to you about. Maybe his boss just threatened to fire him, or he might just be going through a financial struggle.

Till this issue is solved, his interest in sex will be very low. He is unhappy that’s why he might not be making the first move on the bed. 

I had an experience like this in my relationship. My boyfriend never initiated sex. For a particular period, I was thinking he was tired of me or something. Until I found out he was jobless, for about 3 months now and was lying to me about it.

As You know sex is a thing of the mind. If the mind is not at peace, it would be hard to want to have sex. 

2. Low sex drive 

Not all men have a high sex drive. Though it is generally believed that, men are always ready for sex, some men are not. Maybe your boyfriend is this kind of guy, who does not have lots of sex as you wish. So he may not like to make the first move.

3. He lacks confidence in his sexual skill

One thing about men is that they are always too conscious about how they perform in bed. He might be feeling he is not satisfying you enough.

Even if you have never told him anything like that, he is not interested in wanting to sleep with you, because he feels he is not good enough for you. 

4. Issue in your relationship that he is silent about

He is not going to get turned on to want to have sex with you if he is not on good terms with you. You have to try to know your man very well.

Sometimes you can do something wrong to some people and they won’t tell you. They expect you to get it together yourself and understand that you have wronged them.

So he might not be making the first move for sex, because he wants to let you know he is angry. It would be better if you try to ask him if you have done anything wrong. 

5. He needs to be turned on first

Some men are not the type that just stays and start thinking of sex. They need things to stir them up. So he might be that kind of man. He only gets turned on when he is motivated to. On his own, he might not even be thinking of sex. 

6. He is afraid of being rejected 

This is one major reason might not be making the first move he thinks you don’t want him to. He is not sure whether to initiate the sex. He might be afraid you will reject him or start seeing him as a sex freak so he will prefer that you always make the first move to keep things safe. 

7. He is struggling with his mental health 

Our mental health affects how we feel and act. For instance, someone suffering from depression is expected to have a low sex drive. So if your boyfriend is having a mental health struggle he would not be interested in having sex with you.

8. He is not confident about his body

Men can feel shy about their bodies, especially their size. So if he thinks it’s too small or might not have the perfect body for you he is going to be reluctant to open his body around you. And if he can’t open his body around you then there is no sex. He would not be confident to make the first move.

9. He is religious 

In every religion, premarital sex is greatly prohibited. Although most of us indulge in it, it does not mean that it is right. Some people after having sex end up with a guilty conscience. So your boyfriend might not be initiating sex because of his religious belief. 

10. He is not really in love with you 

Sometimes, when a guy is just dating but lost love for you or is no longer in love with you, it’s going to be difficult for him to make the first move for sex.

What to do when your boyfriend never initiates sex

1. Examine your relationship 

The very first thing to do when you realize you are the only one making the first move for sex is try to take time to look at your relationship. Check if maybe you did something wrong or something is going on with your boyfriend.

Just try to do your findings, to see if you can spot where the problem is coming from.

2. Talk to him about it 

Then the next step is to try to talk to him about it.  You don’t just go straight to the point. You ask him what’s wrong like it’s everything okay? Maybe he is going to get confused at first.

Then you try to make him talk to you, then you can know what’s wrong and you can discuss how to sort it out.

4. Be patient 

After discussing with him, you have to be patient too. You don’t expect him to adjust instantly; it’s going to take a little time. So try to encourage him and don’t rush him into starting anything.

How to get my boyfriend to initiate sex more

1. Make him feel good about himself and his skill

Most times, the reason why men don’t initiate sex is that they don’t have confidence in their bodies. You have to learn to compliment him. 

Even before and after he takes his clothes off, let him know how good he makes you feel and perfect his ‘size’ is to you. This will help build his confidence and make him want to make the first move. 

2. Focus more on him during sex 

Try to make the sex more about them. Don’t make it look like they have so much obligation to satisfy you. This will make him nervous.

Don’t act like you are the one who ought to be satisfied, this will help reduce the tension of wanting to always satisfy you. And such feelings can be his drawback.

3. Stop keeping scores 

Don’t pressure him to initiate the sex you will be putting too much pressure on him. Just let everything happen naturally. Don’t start keeping records of who makes the first move the most.

4. Make the bedroom a love nest

Maybe he is not turned on because the atmosphere is not suitable for him. So you have to try to make the bedroom more suitable that might start to turn him on.

You can add lighting, clean and well arrange the room.

10 ways to build your boyfriend’s confidence

1. Avoid complaint 

One way you can kill someone’s confidence; is when you have something negative to say about what they do or complain about what they ought to do.

It kills their motivation to want to do things and also makes them feel they are not good enough for anything. So you have to try as much as possible to avoid complaining.

2. Compliments

Compliment something they do well or when they are dressed you have to give them positive remarks. If they do anything and you are not there, try to always thank them and tell them how good they did.

This will help build their confidence.

3. Always appreciate their presence

Whenever they are with you, make them know how special you feel with them being around. When you make someone feel special, it makes them feel good about themselves when they are around, and even when they are around other people.

5. Brag about them 

This will let them know that you are so proud of them. When they hear from others how you speak so well and are proud of them, It helps boost their confidence.

6. Appreciate the little things they do

Don’t be ungrateful. When they try to do little things for you or even make moves no matter how small it might be, always say thank you. 

7. Show support and courage

If they appear to be struggling with anything you have to show them sincere and consistent support. Always be there for them and help them see the good side of things.

When they know they have someone that is always there for them, it helps to build their confidence to face any challenge.

8. Don’t do the work for them

If they are not good at anything don’t do it for them. It makes them even feel that you don’t believe in them. It’s better if you do it together than you do it for them. 

9. Help them build self-love 

Whenever they are saying something negative about their body or something they can’t do, always be quick to shut them up and tell them they are wrong and show the reasons why.

Maybe for instance they say something like; “I think I’m fat.” You can reply to them with; hey you are not fat this is the exact body I like maybe just a little work but please don’t get thinner than this.  That will give them the confidence to show that body.

10. Don’t give them fake praises 

Yes, it’s good to compliment them and tell them how good they are. But don’t fake it will hurt their confidence more. 

Is it an issue to always be the one to initiate sex?

In a relationship, there is always one partner that initiates sex more than the other. It’s not a big deal if you initiate sex as long as the initiator does not say anything wrong with it. It also depends on how your partner acts. When you always make the first if it’s like they are acting like you are doing it too much or rejecting you sometimes, then that’s an issue to worry about. 

If you think you don’t like the idea of always being the one that makes the first move, especially if they act like they don’t want sex when you initiate, then you should talk about it with them. 

Is it normal to be upset when your partner doesn’t want to have sex

Your partner not wanting to have sex with you can make you feel rejected, and upset, and that’s normal. They are your partner and you are supposed to have sex with them. But you should be aware that your partner has the right to not want to have sex with you. It’s their body and they have their reasons. 

This is where communication and understanding come in. You have to be able to talk to them and know the reason for them rejecting you. You have every right to be upset but you have to be able to understand that if they have a good reason like maybe a health or religious reason, or not just comfortable in having sex yet, you should be able to respect that.

How often should couples have sex?

Couples should have sex at least twice or once a week. But how often they should have sex depends on them. If they want to do it every day of their lives, if it works for them, then it’s fine. But it is ideal to fix sex in between schedules.

As couples, you have other things to do. You should be able to fix sex, so as not to inconvenience your schedule. One thing couples should know is that; sex is better when it comes naturally it’s not something you can plan don’t make it a task make it fun.

Ways to spice up your sex life

1. Explore new sex positions

One thing that can make sex boring it’s when you stick to what you know. You have to try out new positions and do new things just make sex an adventure that way you can make your sex life more fun.

2. Do more foreplay 

Foreplay is one of the interesting things about making love but most couples that pay attention to it just go straight to the main part. You have to do more foreplay to spice up your sex life.

3. Create the right atmosphere

Sex it’s more interesting when done in the right atmosphere. Have to make use of the right lighting, keep the room clean, and try to add touches that can stir up your sexual mood.

4.  Things that turn you on

You can try watching romantic movies or pornography if that’s what turns you on

Is it okay to have sex with your boyfriend

It’s normal to have sex before marriage. Though, according to religious beliefs, it is wrong. But not everyone is religious these days. If you feel you are being forced in any way and you are not comfortable with having sex with them yet, you should not.

You are not obligated to have sex with people just because you are dating.

How often do guys initiate sex?

Men are generally the ones who make the first move for sex. According to research men initiate sex 3 times more than women in a relationship. Though a lot of girls have complained that their boyfriend never initiates sex, that’s because some guys have might have a low sex drive or lacks the confidence to start sex.

How to know he is into me 

1. He initiates the plan 

He is going to be the one to initiate almost everything. He will want to see you, he will fix dates and he will always be there. He is going to be asking to see you all the time.

2. He is happy around you

When a man is around a girl he likes, though he can become nervous you are going to see that his mood will lighten up.

3. He stares at you

If he is into you, you are going to catch him staring at you in a way that looks like he is lost. Maybe when you are doing a chore or something, he won’t be able to get his eyes off you. 

4. He compliments you

He is always going to tell you how beautiful you look, even when you think you are not looking your best. Anything you wear, he sure has something to compliment about.

He is always going to tell you how beautiful you look, even when you think you are not looking your best.

5. He always wants to be with you

When he is with you he does not want to leave. And when you call him he is always there for you.

6. He is always contacting you

Is he always calling and texting you? That’s a sign that he is into you.

7. He tells everyone about you

If all his friends know you and even some of his family already know you, that means he is talking about you a lot and surely into you.

Having a boyfriend that never initiates sex, can make you feel unmotivated about the whole relationship. As a girl, you want to feel wanted and when he never makes the move, it all seems like he is not interested in you. 

I hope this article, has helped you with possible reasons your boyfriend might not be initiating sex. Talking to them will help him address the issue, and might provide a lasting solution.

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *